3 expecting mothers were talking in their doctors office, about the sex of their babies. The first mother said, "I'm having a boy." "How can you be so sure?" asked the other two. "Well" said the first, "my husband was on top." The second replied, "If that's the case then I'm having a girl because I was on top." The third started to cry. The first two asked her what was wrong. "I'm going to have a puppy" she replied.

A lawyer, a carpenter and an astronaut were having drinks in a bar when suddenly one gets up and hits the other. "who hit me?" "It wasn't me." "I didn't see too much either." "It must have been the dog" "What dog?" "I'm blind so I couldn't see a dog." "Doh, that means I hit myself." "hahahahaha how strange I thought you guys had hit me. Sorry about that."

A man drove up to a beautiful lady at a stop light. She was in a nice Porsche. He asks her, "Excuse me, miss, you have Grey Poupon?" "I sure hope not, I just got my car waxed; damn those birds."

My computer is like Britney Spears; cheap, white, and plastic.

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there! Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb? Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle... Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzz

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet. ''

Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper... It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes things more acceptable for a while!

One day a blond from Cali decides to move take a trip to North Carolina to see her brunette friend. Of course, being a blond, she assumes that NC is like a whole different country. When she gets there her friend is driving her back to the house. The blond asks "Do those traffic lights mean something different here?" and the brunette, playing a prank on the blond, says "Yes. When the light it green, all the brunettes go. When the light is yellow, all the red heads go, and when the light is red, all the blonds go." The very next day the blond goes to pick up some groceries for her and her friend. The light turns green. A lot of cars go and the blond is thinking, "Well, there su

It ain't easy to be a dick; I've got a head I can't think with, An eye I can't see out of. I have to hang around with two nuts all the time. My closest neighbour is a real asshole. My best friend is a pussy. And every time I get excited, I throw up; And worst of all, my owner beats me.

It was a sweltering hot day when three guys, Arnold, Bobby and Calvin, were walking along a never-ending path in a park. Arnold: It sure is hot! I'd like a vanilla cone very much. Bobby: Yeah, my shirt's soak with sweat. I'd give 10 bucks for a strawberry cone. Calvin: Well I'd give 20 bucks for any cone. Arnold picks something off the ground saying, "Pay up Cal, here's a pine cone."

See if you can find the hidden image in the group of characters below. It takes some concentration, but it's worth it. Don't cheat by scrolling down before you look at it. Have fun! You'll be surprised when you see what it is... {{{{{{{===**++++*****+++++++++++????????/// //////////%\\\ @@@@@444+=+=****&^"""""}}}|||||||]]] xxxxxxxx>>>>>>xxxxxxxx ~~~~~~*********~~~~~~~~ ====||\\/////////*****{}{}{} %%%%%%%%%%%% $$$&&$$&$$===~|~|~|~|====++ Most people find it easiest to put your nose right up to the screen, then slowly back away while continuing to stare. If you still do

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a tenant for their terrace house. After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a nearby city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week. Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away. "There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to take a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath." "That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the l