Steve was in a terrible accident at work; however, the only permanent damage done to him was that both of his ears were amputated. Because he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Steve decided to invest his money in a small, but growing computer business, and, after weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him. The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting, but

A guy eats at a restaurant. At the end of the meal, the guy looks at the check: Salads . . . . . . $3 Steak . . . . . . $10 Works . . . . . . .$5 Cola . . . . . . . $2 ----------------------- Total $20 The customer asked the waiter "What's 'works'?" "This time it didn't work" said the waiter and crossed out that row.

Little Johnny kept spelling the word "went" wrong, instead he spelt "whent". His teacher, who was very fusterated, decided to keep him after class to spell "went" 100 times. The next day she comes into the classroom, thinking he learned his lesson, and sees the whole board is full of the word "went". But at the end... "I wrote "went" 50 times, then I ran out of space, so I whent home"

10 sentences teachers say (and their true meanings) 1. This book is very commonly used (I also studied from it 40 years ago) 2. It's important to understand what the material means in general (I'm not good with details) 3. Some might say... (My guess is...) 4. The answer to that question is not in the syllabus (I don't know the answer to your question) 5. We'll discuss that question next week (I don't know the answer to your question) 6. I'll let you search in the dictionary and find out (I don't know how to spell that word) 7. Some of you could have succeeded more in the test (You all failed) 8. Are there any questions about the material we learned last lesson? (Did any of you revie

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission. The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, "Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?" "Phew, that one's easy," says the teacher, "The Titanic." "Alright," said St.Peter, "you may pass." Then the thief got his question: "How many died on the Titanic?" The thief replied, "That's a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people." And so he passed through. Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: "Name them

A blond and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blond asked the brunette what she was going to buy. The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?" The blond said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it."

There was this woman who had a blonde daughter. One day, she got her ball stuck in the tree. "Mom, my ball's stuck in the tree. Can I go get it?" she asked. "No, the perverted boy will look up your skirt and see your underwear. Wait till daddy gets home." The little girl furiously stomped away. About an hour later, before her husband came home, the woman saw her daughter playing with her ball. "How did you get your ball?" "Well, you said that you didn't want the boy to see my underwear, so I took it off."

Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub and Fred gets the first pint in and says, "I'll have a pint for me and a pint for Donkey." The two guys drink their pints and Fred says, "Right donkey your round; I'll have a pint of Guiness." Donkey walks up to the bar and says, "2 p p p p pints of g g g g Guiness p p p please." While donkey gets the pints, Fred goes to the toilet and the barman says, "Say, you shouldn't let him call you that stupid nickname." Donkey replies, "I know. He aw.. he aww... he awwwwww, he always calls me 'Donkey.'"

A Chinese couple got married and were now known as Mr. Wong and Mrs. Wong. However, they didn't know why, but they couldn't have white children. So they went to the doctor to find out what the problem was, and they told him the story and the doctor replied, "Didn't you know?" "Two Wongs don't make a white!"

Cinderella, Superman and Pinocchio die and go to heaven. On their way they talk: Cinderella: "I want to be remembered as the most beautiful girl in the world." Superman: "I want to be remembered as the strongest person in the world." Pinocchio: "I want to be remembered as the greatest liar in the world." It's Cinderella's turn. She goes into the room and comes out smiling, saying, "It's done. I'm the most beautiful girl in the world!" Then goes Superman. He goes into the room and comes out happy, saying, "It's done. I'm the strongest person in the world!" Last comes out Pinocchio, angrily he says: "Damn! who's this Clinton guy?!?!"

How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb??? None, they will just have there robot do it.

One day Bob (a boy) went to Sally (a beautiful girl). Bob told her, "Sal, Jack (a boy) wants you." She replied, "I know." They stand in silence for a while. Bob finally said, "I mean he needs your help." "Oh."