Haircuts - The difference between men and women. Women's version: Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute! Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking? Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take

A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and not to talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table, so he turns to the little girl and says, "Will you excuse me, I have to go powder my nose." And, saying that, he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom. When he returns, the little girl looks up at him and asks, "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes," said the little boy, stepping back into the sandbox. "Well,

A lady walks into a shop that sells VERY expensive Persian rugs. She browses around, then spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug, she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now. As she turns back, there, standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day, madam. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely rug?" He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are very likely to shit when you hear the price!"

BUYAGRA: Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?" ST. MOM'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, an

Q: What would you do w/out your memories ? A: Forget

Q: What is the difference between a fish and a piano ? A: You can't tuna fish.

Q: What did the seismologist say when he messed up? A: It's not my fault.

Q. What animal talks the most? A. The yak.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and some peanut butter? A: Either an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth, or peanut butter that never forgets.

Q: What did judge say when the skunk came in the court ? A: Odor in the court.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Keep scrolling down! Not far now! Keep going! Solve this problem while you wait for the answer to pop up. 6! Not enough? Solve this! (Pi)! The answer will pop up shortly... Whoops, there was a mistake. Go back to the 2nd line.

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations across the United States and rest of the world. Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR