Yo momma so fat, when she hauls ass, she has friends come help!

Yo momma so fat, when she walks in front of the T.V., you miss 5 minutes of your show!

Yo momma so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet!

Yo momma so fat, when she goes swimming she gives the pool stretch marks!

Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party!

Yo momma so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts!

Yo momma so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

Yo momma so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin!

Yo momma so fat, she pulls up a chair to an all-u-can-eat buffet!

Yo momma so fat, she made weight watchers go blind!

Yo momma so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen!

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners." The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"