You know you've had too much coffee when... You can type sixty words a minute with your feet Instant coffee takes too long You chew on other people's fingernails You answer the door, before people knock You sleep with your eyes open You go to sleep, just so you can wake up and smell the coffee You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore You're the employee of the month at Starbucks and you don't even work there You help your dog chase its tail You lick your coffeepot clean You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee You're so wired you pick up FM radio You have a picture of your coffee mug, on your coffee mug!

A man goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears drums. This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk. When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Mister, that's it!! Why won't those drummers stop?! I can't get any sleep!" The manager replies, "No! The drums must NEVER stop. It's terrible if the drums stop drumming." "Why?" "When drums stop... bass solo begins."

Knock knock. Who's there? You. You who? Yoo hoo, I'm right over here!

Two small boys, one catholic and one protestant get lost in the woods. Darkness comes down and they near a monastery. Upon entering they are asked their faith, telling the head monk their religions. The Catholic lad gets the best of treatment, good food, a good bed near the fireplace. The protestant lad however gets a bowl of cold gruel, and is told to sleep by the drafty door to keep the cold out of the room. In the morning the head monk asks the boys how it was. "I dreamt I was in heaven, Father" said the Catholic boy. "It was just wonderful." "I dreamt that I was in hell " said the protestant boy. "And what was that like?" said the holy father. "Just like this place, couldn't get n

Yo momma so fat, when she hauls ass, she has friends come help!

Yo momma so fat, when she walks in front of the T.V., you miss 5 minutes of your show!

Yo momma so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet!

Yo momma so fat, when she goes swimming she gives the pool stretch marks!

Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party!

Yo momma so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts!

Yo momma so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

Yo momma so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin!