1. Happy Anniversery! 2.You're wearing THAT to the party!!?? 3.Do I look fat in this? 4.You didn't know it was my birthday today!? 5.Oh my god! Can't we just be friends! 6.Listen honey we have to talk... I think, I'm pregnant. 7.Here's 100 dollars! 8.Hey! Is it okay if some of my friends come over to watch football and we go crazy when our team loses. 9.Sweetie can we not do it tonight? 10.Honey I'm home! How have you been today?!

1. Happy aniversery! 2. Do I look fat in this? 3. Heres 100 dollars! Buy whatever you want. 4. I think im pregnant. 5. Do you wanna come shopping with me and my friends? We're going to Victoria's Secret. 6. I'm cheating on you with 1 other man and 2 women. 7. Hunney... can we not do it tonight. I'm just not in the mood. 8. Do you just wanna go on a vacation just me and you? We can go to the Bahamas! 9. I'm sorry. 10. Whenever you wanna get divorced just tell me.

Hunny, you forgot to put down the toilet seat again. Oh my God! you don't know how to fix a car. Wife says: How do I look? Man: Terrible, go change!

Three men, a fat man, a Russian, and a Puerto Rican, are standing on a bridge. The Russian removes a bottle of vodka from his coat, takes a sip, and then throws the bottle over the bridge. The Puerto Rican asks, "Why did you do that? That was perfectly good bottle of vodka!" The Russian replies, "There's plenty of that where I come from." The Puerto Rican doesn't want to be upstaged, so he removes a joint from his pocket, takes a long puff, and then throws the rest of it over the bridge. The fat man exclaims, "Hey! What the hell did you do that for? That was a perfectly good joint!" The Puerto Rican replies, "There's plenty of that where I come from." Now, the fat man doesn't want to b

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now." He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so." "Well, then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close properly." To which he replies, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have a Westinghouse logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so." "Fine," she says, "Then, would you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're a mess and a real hazard." "I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable." And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." Adam said, "What is a caress?" So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, t

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth. War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. It take many nails to build crib, but one screw

THE CLINTON Virus...(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.) THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy) THE LEWINSKY virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails your best friends about what it did). THE RONALD REAGAN virus...(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored) THE MIKE TYSON virus...(Quits after two bytes) THE OPRAH WINFREY virus... (Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200.) THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus...(Deletes all old files) THE PROZAC virus...(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care) THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...(Only attacks min

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, "What's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."

A preacher phoned the city's newspaper. "Thank you very much," said he, "for the error you made when you announced my sermon topic for last Sunday. The topic I sent you was 'What Jesus Saw in A Publican.' You printed it as 'What Jesus Saw in a Republican' I had the biggest crowd of the year!"

The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deac

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He looked down and to his horror saw that the canyon fell straight down for more than a thousand feet. He couldn't hang onto the branch forever, and there was no way for him to climb up the steep wall of the cliff. So Jack began yelling for help, hoping that someone passing by would hear him and lower a rope or something. "HELP! HELP! Is anyone up there? "HELP!" He yelled for a long time, but no one heard him. He was about to give up when he heard a voice. "Jack, Jack, can you hear me?" "Yes, yes! I