"Whew, that's one terrific spread!" "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist." "Talk about a huge breast!" "It's Cool Whip time!" "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!" "Are you ready for seconds yet?" "Are you going to come again next time?" "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?" "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!" "Don't play with your meat." "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in." "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?" "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!" "You still have a little bit on your chin." "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it." "How long

A blond got a new job cutting down trees. On the first day her boss handed her a chainsaw and said, "Now you have to go into that forest and cut down as many trees as possible using that chain saw. Please be careful with it and also please remember that the minimum is 6 trees a day." The blonde went into the forest and cut down trees but at the end of the day she had only managed to cut down 4. Her boss decided to give another chance but the next day she only managed 3. He decided to give her one last chance but on the third day she only cut two trees. When she finished work, he called the blond over and took her back into the forest. "Right,"he said,"You must be doing something wrong here s

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? time to get a new fence!

What do you call a pig who knows karate? A Pork-Chop!

An old country gentleman and his wife were out driving one day, when a police officer pulled him over. "What seems to be the trouble young man?" asked the old gentleman. The officer said, "Excuse me sir, but didn't you notice your wife fell out of the car back there?" To which the old gentleman exclaimed, "Thank you son, I thought I went deaf!!!".

Roses are red, Grass is green. You have the shape Of a washing machine.

What's brown and has holes in it? Swiss shit!

How many blondes does it takes to screw in a lightbulb? three: one to unscrew it one to buy a new lightbulb one to call her boyfriend to screw it back in.

Definition of Agony? One armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls

Joe: Hi Jack. How did you like horseback riding? Jack: Not that much. The problem was that the horse was too polite. Joe: Polite? Jack: Yep. When we reached the fence he let me go over first.

A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds the husband said, "Hey honey, you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's as big as the gas grill now." The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt. "Yep," he said, "Just what I thought, just about the same size." The wife got very incensed and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day. That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, "How about it, hon? How ab

It has been determined. The most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.