Q)A hippo is sitting on your chair....what time is it? A)Time to get a new chair

Q: What do you get when a rooster crosses a duck? A: A bird that gets up at the quack of dawn!

Q.Why shouldn't you wear snow boots? A.Because they will melt!

Q. Why would Snow White be a good judge? A.Because she's the fairest in the land.

Q.Where do tough chickens come from? A.Hard boiled eggs!

Q.Why did the house go to the doctor? A.To get a cure for his window pane!

What did the chef name his son? Stu

How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste!

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful? God: So you will always want to look at her. Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft? God: So you will always want to touch her. Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good? God: So you will always want to be near her. Adam: That's wonderful Lord ... and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid? God: So she would love you.

After many years of marriage, a husband turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate,

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food? "Let us prey."

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Ferraro 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Ferraro dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S". The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?" The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving." Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee. The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring hap