Adam was in the Garden of Eden and was very very lonely. So God decides to build him a friend and lover. He decides to call it a "Woman". So he sets out to work but realizes he'll need to borrow a few parts from Adam, so he goes to Adam and explains the situation. God says "I'll build the perfect companion, she'll cook, clean, take care of your every wish and need and will never nag or complain or be angry at you for no reason. It'll only cost you an arm and a leg." Adam says "But I need my arm and leg... what can I get for just a rib?" And the rest is history...

You're so ugly when you go outside your arrested for indecent exposure.

Your momma is so poor I saw her kicking a cardboard box down the street and when I asked her what she was doing she said "Moving!"

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish!

How many little brothers does it take to change a light bulb? Three- one to hold onto the bulb and two to turn the ladder.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two- One to screw in the idea, and one to give it a suprising twist at the end.

How many boy scouts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three- Each to do one good turn daily.

Yo Mama's so fat, she didn't have a birth certificate, she had a blueprint!

Yo mama's so fat, she sells shade, and that gives her enough to feed a family!

Yo Momma's so poor, I blew my nose, and she said, "Lord thank us, we have food!"

One Halloween, a boy dressed up as a cowboy. He went to a house, and an elderly lady opened the door. She said, "What might you be?" and the kid in front of the boy said, "I'm an Indian! All day, I hunt buffalo and make teepees and wigwams!" and the lady gave him some candy. Then the boy was up in line. The elderly lady said, "What might you be?" and he replied, "I'm a cowboy! All day, I round up cattle and take them to corrals!" The lady gave him some candy. So he went to the next house, and a scorching hot teenage girl opened the door. She said, "What might you be?" and the girl in front of the boy said, "I'm a lesbian. All day I think of women, all afternoon I think of women, and all ni

One evening, on her first date, a blond went to an amusement park with her boyfriend. After they went on the roundabout, the boy said, "What do you want to do next?" The girl said, "I want to be weighed." So he weighed the blond on a guess the weight game. Then they went on the roller coaster, and afterwards the boy said, "What do you want to do next?" The girl said, "I want to be weighed." So he weighed the blond again, and she weighed the same, so he took her home. When she got home, she flumped on the couch and her mother said, "How was the date?" The blond said, "Weewy Weewy Wousy."