A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bu

Yo moma's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.

Yo moma's like a fine restaurant, she only takes deliveries in the rear.

Yo momma's like a bubble gum machine, 5 cents a blow.

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first" she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy works in a topless bar!" The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Bil

Why do they bury lawyers 10 feet below ground instead of the usual 6? Because deep down, they're not so bad!

Which is heavier, 20 pounds of rocks or 20 pounds of sugar? Their both 20 pounds! doy!

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!" "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist." "Talk about a huge breast!" "It's Cool Whip time!" "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!" "Are you ready for seconds yet?" "Are you going to come again next time?" "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?" "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!" "Don't play with your meat." "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in." "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?" "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!" "You still have a little bit on your chin." "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it." "How long

A blond got a new job cutting down trees. On the first day her boss handed her a chainsaw and said, "Now you have to go into that forest and cut down as many trees as possible using that chain saw. Please be careful with it and also please remember that the minimum is 6 trees a day." The blonde went into the forest and cut down trees but at the end of the day she had only managed to cut down 4. Her boss decided to give another chance but the next day she only managed 3. He decided to give her one last chance but on the third day she only cut two trees. When she finished work, he called the blond over and took her back into the forest. "Right,"he said,"You must be doing something wrong here s

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? time to get a new fence!

What do you call a pig who knows karate? A Pork-Chop!