Always on the look-out for a bargain, I was dining out and came across a menu entree "T-Bone* $4.25". I inquired of the waiter how they could sell a dinner at that price. He advised me to check the bottom of the menu. Next to the "*" was "with meat, $14.95"

When is it Michael Jackson's bed time? When the little hand meets the big hand.

What do you call happiness? Seeing your mother-in-law's photo on the back of a milk carton!

What's the difference between an alchoholic & a drug addict? The alchoholic drives over the stop sign, while the drug addict waits for it to turn green.

Barry calls his boss. "I'm having problems with my eyes." "What's wrong with them?" his boss asks. "I just can't see myself coming into work today."

If I wanted to think of a better come back, I'd dig it out of your @$$!

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Newfie walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the foam. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Newfie too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEF!"

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000: 1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. 2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 4. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE! 5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test. 6. Close your eyes and press escape three times. 7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? 9. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)" 10. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off." 11

Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in spring training.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! They have spelt MACY'S wrong!"

A couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of reproduction bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year." The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments: "See! That was more than 5 times a month!" The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year." Again the wife bugs her husband: "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison. The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary spe