One day a blonde was in a store, and saw a sign advertising a huge TV sale. She goes up to the salesman, and points to a shelf and says, "I want to buy that TV." The man says "No." The blonde, assuming its because he hates blondes, goes home and dyes her hair brown. She goes back to the store and asks again, only to again be told again, "No." She goes home dies her hair black, and returns yet again. She asks for the TV, and is told "No, go home you blonde!" So she finally snaps and cries, "I've died my hair twice!How the hell do you know I'm blonde?" The salesman replies, "That's a microwave."

How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she's pregnant. What will be her response? "Is it mine?"

Why did the first blonde president move out of the oval office? She couldn't find a corner to put her stuff in.

Your momma is so ugly when she walks through the woods during hunting season she wears a sign saying "DONT SHOOT! FROM THE FRONT I LOOK ALMOST HUMAN!"

Why did the blonde steal a parked police car? She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche. (Porsche 911)

A blonde went into a local salon for a haircut. She was wearing a pair of headphones and she refused to take them off. The hairdresser tried to slip them off to cut her hair but the blonde just screamed "NO, DONT DO IT!" In a few minutes the blonde fell asleep from all the thinking she had to do to pick out a hairstyle. The hairdresser takes off the headphones and in a few minutes the blonde dies. The hairdresser, shocked, then hears the headphones. It was repeating the words "Inhale... exhale.... inhale..... exhale...."

How do you tell a blondes been using your computer? There's whiteout on the screen

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches down, pulls out a knife, and lunges at the man. The man backs away and yells "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?" "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?" replies the pharmacist. The man says, "No I don't, you jerk; but my wife out in the car still does!"

Adam was in the Garden of Eden and was very very lonely. So God decides to build him a friend and lover. He decides to call it a "Woman". So he sets out to work but realizes he'll need to borrow a few parts from Adam, so he goes to Adam and explains the situation. God says "I'll build the perfect companion, she'll cook, clean, take care of your every wish and need and will never nag or complain or be angry at you for no reason. It'll only cost you an arm and a leg." Adam says "But I need my arm and leg... what can I get for just a rib?" And the rest is history...

You're so ugly when you go outside your arrested for indecent exposure.

Your momma is so poor I saw her kicking a cardboard box down the street and when I asked her what she was doing she said "Moving!"

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish!