On a nightly stroll a blonde came across an office building. A sign said, "Press bell for Watchman." She presses it and hears an old man coming down the stairs. He turns on the light, unlocks the gate, and shuts off the security system. When he asked what the blonde wanted, she replied, "Why can't you press that button for yourself?"

Blonde inventions: Waterproof towel Unbreakable egg Submarine screen door Solar powered flash light Helicopter ejection seat Inflatable dart board Pedal powered wheel chairs

What do you call the skeleton of a blonde you find in a closet? 1950's Hide-n-seek champion.

2 blondes are walking in the park and the 1st blonde says, "LOOK! Dead bird!" The 2nd blonde looks up into the sky and yells "Where?!"

What's a blonde doing if her hands are covered tightly over her ears and her mouth is completely shut? She's trying to hold onto a thought.

Why should you never ask a blonde to make ice cubes for you? She'll never remember the recipe.

One day a blonde was in a store, and saw a sign advertising a huge TV sale. She goes up to the salesman, and points to a shelf and says, "I want to buy that TV." The man says "No." The blonde, assuming its because he hates blondes, goes home and dyes her hair brown. She goes back to the store and asks again, only to again be told again, "No." She goes home dies her hair black, and returns yet again. She asks for the TV, and is told "No, go home you blonde!" So she finally snaps and cries, "I've died my hair twice!How the hell do you know I'm blonde?" The salesman replies, "That's a microwave."

How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she's pregnant. What will be her response? "Is it mine?"

Why did the first blonde president move out of the oval office? She couldn't find a corner to put her stuff in.

Your momma is so ugly when she walks through the woods during hunting season she wears a sign saying "DONT SHOOT! FROM THE FRONT I LOOK ALMOST HUMAN!"

Why did the blonde steal a parked police car? She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche. (Porsche 911)

A blonde went into a local salon for a haircut. She was wearing a pair of headphones and she refused to take them off. The hairdresser tried to slip them off to cut her hair but the blonde just screamed "NO, DONT DO IT!" In a few minutes the blonde fell asleep from all the thinking she had to do to pick out a hairstyle. The hairdresser takes off the headphones and in a few minutes the blonde dies. The hairdresser, shocked, then hears the headphones. It was repeating the words "Inhale... exhale.... inhale..... exhale...."