14. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor; then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?" 13. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast. 12. Take in a wineskin filled with water. Stand and slowly squeeze it out into the toilet, every 15-20 seconds moan or sigh. 11. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot." 10. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuousl

Yo momma is so fat that she is on both sides of the family!

One day a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were hiking when they came across a cliff. There was no bridge and they couldn't think of anyother way to get across so they decided to turn around and go back. Just then a magical fairy appeared and said that they could turn into anything they wanted to help them get across the cliff, all they had to do was run, jump, and say the name of it. The brunette ran and jumped and yelled out, "Eagle," and she soared across the cliff. The redhead ran and jumped then yelled, "Hawk," and flew across to the other side. Then it was the blonde's turn she ran and jumped. When she was in mid air, she forgot what she was going to say and yelled "O crap!"....

This lonely little boy was sitting at home, and he recently discovered the noises and smells that can emit from his body in the form of a fart. So the bored little boy decided to travel the world looking for the best fart, He went to Canada and realized that the cold temperature caused the farts to be really short. He went to Mexico and realized all the spicy foods caused really uncomfortable farts. All other parts of the world had interesting farts but not what the boy was looking for. Feeling that he failed, the boy went back home after his yearly trips around the world, only to walk in on his mom bending over into an oven attempting to pull a cake out. In the middle of her attempt s

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -Cold As Ever.'" "Yeah?!" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -Stiff At Last.'"

A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity, and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week. A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Please tell my husband." The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week. The 80-year-old husband replied, "Which days?" The doctor answered, "Monday, Wednesday, and Friday would be ideal. The husband said, "I can bring her on Monday and Wednesday, but on Fridays, she'll have to take the bus."

All the little rascals sat down for class, and the teacher decided to start off the day with a spelling quiz. The teacher first asked Darla, "Darla, can you spell dumb?" "D-u-m-b," said Darla The teacher then said, "Can you use it in a sentence?" "Buckwheat is dumb." "Okay, can you spell stupid?" said the teacher. "S-t-u-p-i-d." "Can you use it in a sentence?" "Buckwheat is stupid." "Buckwheat, can you spell dictate?" "D-i-c-t-a-t-e." "Can you use it in a sentence?" "I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good."

In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples. The note read: "Take only one, God is watching." Further down the cafeteria line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies... One of the boys had written a note of his own. The note he placed in front of the cookies read: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing, fit to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, if the man returns, to follow him. Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns. "So did you follow him?" "Yes, I did." "And...where did he go?" "Over to your house..."

I woke up one morning knowing I was going to have a bad day. I went to put on my shirt, but when i picked it up, one of the buttons fell off. When i went to put on my pants the button fell off of them too. I went downstairs to eat my breakfast, my toast fell off the plate. By then i was getting very frustrated. I picked up my brief case, and as you have guessed by now, something fell off. I decided to walk to work. When I got in I told my boss, "I've really got to use the bathroom." He said, "Why didn't you use it at home?" I replied, "Because everything I touched, something fell off so I'm afraid."

A while back, over in Great Britain, a woman complained to the telephone company about her phone. Sometimes, it would not ring when someone called. The strange part, she said, was that when it did ring, the ring was invariably preceded by her dog barking. So she was convinced she had a broken telephone and a psychic dog. Now, in Britain, the ring signal is a high-voltage low-ampere current sent from the local office to the phone. The wire which carries this signal is run from the pole to a large metal spike in the yard, which grounds the circuit. In order to isolate the problem, the phone company sent a repairman out to climb the pole and manually send the signal down the wire. Sure en

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in a red ferari speeding down a country road being chased by a squad car. They try to lose him by darting into a forest behind a farm. The trio ditch the car and decide to each hide in three burlap sacs on the ground. The cop who was really close on their tail went up to each sac. The cop kicked the first sac and the brunette inside said; "Woof woof" "Oh it's just a dog." Then he kicked the second sac, Inside that sack the redhead said; "Meow Meow" "Oh, it's just a kitten. Then the cop went up to the third sac with the blonde inside and kicked it The blonde said "Potato potato"