What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

(I know some people may not consider this a joke but it is still funny, the results at the bottom are funny to! ENJOY!) Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time? Start. 1) Some months have 30 days,some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________ 2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________ 3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set

How do you tell that a blonde has been at a computer? There is lipstick on the joy stick!

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a b

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room. 5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7

Q: Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen? A: To draw blood.

Yo momma's so fat that I ran out of gas trying to drive around her.

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Wave!

Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy. ''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says. ''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours. Instead, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours. He almost died!'' ''That's nothing,'' said the second doctor, "earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours. Instead she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!'' All of a sudden they heard a blood curldling scream from down the hallway. ''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!'''

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite. After unpacking, the husband took off his pants. ''Put these on,'' he said to his wife. She did and they were nearly twice her size. ''There's no way I can wear these. They're too big,'' she said. ''Good, now you know who wears the pants in this family.'' Flustered, the wife takes off her panties and gives them to her husband. ''Put these on,'' she commands. The husband looks at the small pair of panties and says, ''There's no way I can get into these.'' To which the wife replied, ''You're right about that until you change your attitude.''

This is an actual job application! NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YO

A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on h