From: [langalist] LangaList Standard Edition 2003-07-24 Just For Grins 1. Coffee (n), a person who is coughed upon. 2. Flabbergasted (adj), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v), to give up hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v), to attempt an explanation when drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. 7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n), an olive flavoured mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n), a humor

What's the difference between a jailer and a jeweler? One sells watches, one watches cells!

Yo mamma so stupid she threw a clock out the window to see time fly.

Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room? So she could use it as a mirror!

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!" Agai

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The teacher asked Susie what she did today. ''Well, I played in the sandbox,'' she said. The teacher said, ''If you can spell sand, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie.'' So Susie did. Then Billy came in and the teacher asked what he did. ''I played in the sandbox with Susie,'' he said. ''If you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie,'' the teacher said. So Billy did. Then the little Russian boy said, ''Well, I wanted to play in the sandbox, but Billy and Susie were throwing rocks at me.'' The teacher said, ''Well, that sounds like discrimination. If you can spell that, I'll give you a cookie.''

Yo mama is so stupid that she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on? A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''

Yo mama so short, she did a suicide jump off of the curb.

Your IQ is so low, you have to dig for it!

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters had two spoons in their vest pockets. Upon being asked, one waiter said, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware are spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer noticed that a string was hanging out of all the waiters' flies and asked what the string was for. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explained the waiter, "that way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims right away. Then we don't have to stop to wash our hands." The customer asked, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter whispered confidentially, "I don't know about the others, b

It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.