Her name was Virginia. They called her Virgin for short, but not for long!

And out of the night came the terrible scream, "Who put the sand in the Vaseline!?"

If my dog was as ugly as your mom, I'd shave its butt and teach it to walk backwards!

A woman, calling a local hospital, said, "Hello, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I'd like to find out if the patient is getting better, or doing as expected, or is getting worse". The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?" She said, "Sarah Finkel, in Room 302." "I will connect you with the nursing station." "3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?" "I would like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in Room 302." "Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back a

A blonde missed a 44 bus so she took the 22 bus twice!

A panda walks into a bar and eats lunch. When he is finished he shoots the waiter and leaves. The owner ran after the panda and asked him why he did such and thing. The panda replied, "Look up the word 'panda' in the dictionary." The owner did so and it read, "Panadas are black and white animals. They eat shoots and leaves."

Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo? A: A jump rope

Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep? A: A sweater with pockets

All the boys and girls in Mrs. Dovers class are drawing. Mrs. Dover came over to Tommy and said, "What picture are you drawing?" Tommy said, "A cow eating grass." "Ok, where's the grass?" "The cow ate it all." "Ok, where's the cow?" "He went to go look for more grass."

What's the difference between two yards? A. Usually a fence.

Knock Knock? Who's there? Megan Megan who? Makin a list chekin it twice gonna find out who's naughty or nice.

When physics meets Star Wars: May the net force be with you!