Top Jokes
1 How do you fit an elephant into your fridge within 3 steps?
2 How do you fit a zebra in your fridge?
3 King of the jungle , the lion every animal in the jungle will come to his wedding but one animal won't which one is it?
4 A man needs to get to the other side of a bridge desperately there are killer alligators that live in the river and there is no boat how do you get across??
1. step 1- open the fridge.
step 2- put elephant in the fridge.
step 3- close the fridge.
2. step 1- open the fridge.
step 2- take the elephant out.
step 3- put the zebra in.
step 4- close the fridge.
3. The zebra because it is in the fridge.
4. Swim because the alligators are at the
Yo mamma so fat when she sat on a jelly bean it got lost between her butt and her backbone, and we have been looking for it still for 31 years.
Q: What's the difference between a girls track team and a tribe of pygmies?
A: The pygmies are cunning little runts.
Simon the humble Crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Simon in tears.
"We can't see each other any more..." she sobbed.
"Why?" gasped Simon.
"Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you are a mere crab, and a poor one at that, and crabs are the lowest class of crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."
Simon was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.
That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters cam
The following are 10 ways to tell if you have PMS,
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving - call 1-800-***-****."
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting
practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The Motrin bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
The following were actually published,
-Include your children when baking cookies!
-Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
-Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
-British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
-Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
-Dinner Special --
Turkey $2.35;
Chicken or Beef $2.25;
Children $2.00.
-For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
-For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur col
More mistakes in publication,
-Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
-Stock up and save. Limit: one.
-Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
-We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.
-This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.
-For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
-For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
-Man, honest. Will take anything.
-Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
-Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
-Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Mus
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph, with the husband behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce." The husband says nothing, but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.
She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."
Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids too."
The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph. She says, "I
Insurance Form Statements...
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home.
As
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