Popular Jokes
An old couple had been married for fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, the man took the woman on a trip, and they were to stay at an upscale hotel. When they got there, the woman told the bell boy, "This is an awful hotel. Why is it upscale? No windows, no bathroom, no air conditioning."
"But, madam!" the bell boy protested.
"Don't 'but madam' me," the lady said. "This is one of the worst hotels I've ever even tried to stay at. I'm going to report it to your manager."
"But, madam!" the bell boy persisted, "this isn't your room, this is the elevator."
It's a dog eat dog world out there. And they're short on napkins.
Married people don't live longer than single people. It just seems longer.
A performative poet of Hibernia
Rhymed himself into a hernia
He became quite adept
At this practise, except
For the occasional non-sequitur.
If rock is wet, it is raining.
If rock is green, it rained a while ago.
If rock is white, it is snowing.
If rock is shaking, there is an earthquake.
If rock is dry, the weather is fair.
If rock is swinging, it's windy.
If rock is warm, the sun is out.
If rock is not visible, it's dark outside.
If rock is under water, there is a flood.
If rock is gone, there is a tornado (Run!!)
An American, a Russian, and an African were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. He said, "We're right over my homeland."
"How can you tell?" asked the American.
"I can feel the cold air," he replied.
A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "We're right over my homeland," he said.
"How do you know that?" asked the Russian. "I can feel the heat of the desert."
Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah! We're right over New York."
The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know that?" they exclaimed.
The American pulled his hand up. "My watch
This is what happen to a boy and his father: Son: dad i want to marry. Father: who do you want to marry? Son: your mother. Father: why do you want to marry my mother? Son: because you also marry my mother. :)
One day, a customer walked into a pet shop and told the clerk, "I need two small, gray mice and about five dozen roaches." Puzzled, the shop attendant asked the reason for this strange request.
"Well, I'm moving out of my apartment and my lease told me that I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found them."
There was a man who was getting ready to be hanged by the politicians of Aaronztown City. The only way he could ignore death was to convince the mayor to make the politicians change their mind. So he did.
"Hello Mayor Green, I am here to discuss important matter."
"Okay. Very well. Do you want to make any comments before we begin?"
"Yes. Do you mind if I examine the things around here before we begin?"
"Yes."
Darn. Okay, my first question. Do you mind if I do not get hung by the politicians?"
"Yes."
But, I have a family, a long life ahead of me, and lots of friends. Are you sure you mind?"
Yes."
The man growled furiously.
"Do you mind if I don't kill you before I get hung?"
"Yes."
* Perfume saleslady to customer: "Just a word of advice. Don't put this stuff on if you're not really serious about the guy."
* Contrary to popular belief, used-car salesmen are fairly honest with their customers. It's usually a condition of their parole.
* A really great salesman is one who can actually make his wife feel sorry for the girl who lost her panties and bra in his car.
* Only a salesman can make a customer think he is really absorbed by a customer's needs and at the same time calculate how much of a commission he can make out of the deal.
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