Popular Jokes
When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.
I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.
I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that th
One morning, Pete and Sally decided to go out for breakfast. The waitress at The Almond Tree told them that the special that morning was two eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, hash browns and toast for $3.99.
"That sounds good," said Sally, "but I don't want the eggs."
"OK," said the waitress, "but I will then have to charge you $4.50."
"Why?" asked Pete, "it doesn't make sense."
"Because you will then in effect be ordering a la carte," the waitress replied.
"Do you mean I'll have to pay for not taking the eggs?" Sally asked.
"Yes," replied the waitress.
"OK then, I'll take the special," says Sally.
"How do you want your eggs done?" asked the waitress.
"Raw and in the shell," Sally replied.
My bus driver for my school is always trying to say that he's a gangster. But no one ever believes him so the other day I confronted him. So I asked, "are you really a gangster"? He sweated nervously, shaking and then he finally answered "of course I am I'm from the West Side". I did not feel that to be a sufficient answer so I then asked him "West Side of where"? He mumbled to himself a while and then answered me "West Side of Malibu".
At the end of the last volleyball season, the main results table had been destroyed. Luckily, a number of people could remember the following snippets:
Arlington Wonderers finished above The Golf GTI and Derby Surefires. Eagle Cherrys finished above Arlington Wonderers, The Golf GTI and Derby Surefires. Happy Hours finished above Brookside Magic and Eagle Cherrys. Eagle Cherrys finished above Foxtrot Kilos and Chippy Flippers. The Golf GTI finished below Chippy Flippers and Eagle Cherrys. Foxtrot Kilos finished before Brookside Magic, Derby Surefires and The Golf GTI. Derby Surefires finished below Foxtrot Kilos, Chippy Flippers and Brookside Magic. Arlington Wonderers finished below Chipp
knock knock,
who's there
animal
animal who?
animal i kin git lots of stuff
iffn i have ta money
1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
2) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
3) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
4) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
5) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
6) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent wi
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