One day, a customer walked into a pet shop and told the clerk, "I need two small, gray mice and about five dozen roaches." Puzzled, the shop attendant asked the reason for this strange request. "Well, I'm moving out of my apartment and my lease told me that I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found them."

There was a man who was getting ready to be hanged by the politicians of Aaronztown City. The only way he could ignore death was to convince the mayor to make the politicians change their mind. So he did. "Hello Mayor Green, I am here to discuss important matter." "Okay. Very well. Do you want to make any comments before we begin?" "Yes. Do you mind if I examine the things around here before we begin?" "Yes." Darn. Okay, my first question. Do you mind if I do not get hung by the politicians?" "Yes." But, I have a family, a long life ahead of me, and lots of friends. Are you sure you mind?" Yes." The man growled furiously. "Do you mind if I don't kill you before I get hung?" "Yes."

* Perfume saleslady to customer: "Just a word of advice. Don't put this stuff on if you're not really serious about the guy." * Contrary to popular belief, used-car salesmen are fairly honest with their customers. It's usually a condition of their parole. * A really great salesman is one who can actually make his wife feel sorry for the girl who lost her panties and bra in his car. * Only a salesman can make a customer think he is really absorbed by a customer's needs and at the same time calculate how much of a commission he can make out of the deal.

What does this represent? WRIST WRIST Tourists! (two wrists)

Racing through the snow a onewarde southern sleigh, all the way we go bahing through the trees, the snow is turning red, I think i'm almost dead, all the children laugh and play around my stupid head!

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "you're really going to enjoy yourself - we have sound now."

Almost two hours into the Clemens and McNamee hearing, some interesting quotes can be found. (Credits to Yahoo! Sports, and 'Duk) • "Mr. Clemens bled through his designer pants." • "Mr. Clemens, do you recall any bleeding through your pants in 2001?" • "Those little band-aids for his butt, if it bled." • "Mr. Clemens, according to your account, Mr. McNamee injected your wife in your bedroom without your knowledge." • "That said there was a palpable mass on the right buttock of Mr. Clemens. On another record, it also noticed a similar mass on the left buttock." • "That was a hurried instance when we were in the closet."

What is represented by this? T N O R F O T Back to front!

What is represented by this? STEPPETSPETS One step forward, two steps back!

This Chinese man asks this guy what he does for a living. The guy says, 'I'm a comedian.' The Chinese guy says 'No, u no camedien!' The guy says, 'Yer, I am, honest.' The Chinese guy says, 'No, you're not, ploove it, change coror!' (He says it like chameleon)

Bill and Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with seven healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but when they arrived, they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in. Although many were big enough, the landlords always seemed to object to such a large family living there. If only Bill wasn't so honest about the size of his family! After several days of unsuccessful searching, Bill had an idea. He told Sarah to take the four younger children to visit the local cemetery while he went with the older three children to find an apartment. After looking for most of the morning, Bill

When Jacob was finally given an exit visa by the Russians and allowed to immigrate to Israel, he was told he could only take what he could put into one suitcase. At Moscow airport, he was stopped by customs and an official shouted, "Open your case at once." Jacob did what he was told. The official searched through his case and pulled out something wrapped in newspaper. He unwrapped it and saw it was a bust of Stalin. "What is that?" he shouted at Jacob. Jacob replied, "You shouldn't ask 'What is that?' - you should ask 'Who is that?' That is our glorious leader Stalin. I'm taking it to remind me of the wonderful things he did for me and the marvellous life that I am leaving behind." The o