Popular Jokes
Here are some useless facts that you may enjoy...
1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
2. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag.
3. Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
4. All of the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.
5. No word in the English language rhymes with month.
6. A coat hanger is 44 inches long if straightened.
7. Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village".
8. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
9. The word 'byte' is a contraction of 'by eight.'
10. The word 'pixel' is a contraction of either 'picture cell' or 'picture
Humphrey comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Humphrey.
The guard says, "Well, we'll see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Humphrey overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
The guard releases Humphrey, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Hum
Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow -- even during a hurricane! -- here is a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and how the letters are used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs . . .
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up.
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said, "Sidney, are we the type of snake who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?"
The second snake says, "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
Bob and Joe, a couple of personal injury lawyers, were discussing conditions in the legal profession. "How's business?" asked Bob.
"Absolutely rotten!" responded Joe. "How have you been doing?" "Even worse," Bob replied. "I just chased an ambulance twelve miles and found a LAWYER inside it."
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