1. Regular naps prevent old age.... especially if you take them while driving. 2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee. 3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! 4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash. 5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. 6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. 7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. 8.. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it. 9. True friends stab

4 = 2+2

2 = special administrative regions in China. (Hong Kong and Macau)

Ok, now the last time I did this, I got a lot of comments saying that there's no point, and they only submit things they think is funny and blah blah blah. Well, anyways, I'm planning to do this.... again.. and by the way, I think it'd be extremely funny. Everyone, please give this a full smiley. Sooner or later, this is going to become the highest rated "joke". I figured it'd be extremely funny if the highest rated joke, wasn't even a joke at all... Thanks a billion for your cooperation!!

"Daddy, there's a man knocking on the door with a beard!" "No wonder I didn't hear him!"

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one from Mississippi and the other from Texas, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The Mississippian said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me." The Texan lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?" The lady from Mississippi continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive." Again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?" The first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet." Yet again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn'

Here is a guy that doesn't know English well that is going to a restaurant in Virginia: Waiter: Welcome sir, have a seat. The waiter sent him to a solo table. The guy: Happy birthday, sir! Waiter: It's not my birthday today. The guy: Oh I mean thank you sir. I don't really know how to speak English well. The waiter gave the guy the menu, but he didn't understand the things written. Then he heard a customer that is ordering food, and the guy thought of copying everything the customer is saying to the waiter. The waiter comes: Waiter: What would you want, sir? Customer: I would want the manager's special fried chicken, some whole wheat bread, and this fish salad. The guy: I do want a

This comes from an elderly man that spoke with me in a waiting room once. "I don't like these places," he said, "They're always trying to find out what you're thinking. "But I was nifty, I got around her, see. I had a way around it." He looked at me and continued. "She asked me if I was hearing voices, and I said 'Yes, ma'am, I hear you talking to me right now.' And when she asked if I felt like hurting myself or anybody else, I said 'No m'dear, but I really am going to hurt the next person who asks me that question.'"

Two Stasi agents are on a surveillance mission and quite bored. First agent: "Hey, what are you thinking about?" Second agent: "Oh, nothing special. The same as you..." First agent: "In that case, you're under arrest!"

A West German businessman is driving a Mercedes through East Germany on a rainy night when his windshield wipers stop working. He takes it to an East German mechanic, who tells him there are no Mercedes windshield wiper motors in the GDR, but he will do his best to fix it. When the businessman returns the next day, to his surprise the windshield wipers are working perfectly. "How did you find a Mercedes windshield wiper motor in the East?" he asks the mechanic. "We didn't," replies the mechanic, "We used the engine motor of a Trabant."

"Oh, I'm not a professor," he said quickly. "I'm a professional balloonist, parachute jumper. Give exhibitions at county fairs. Leap for life, and all that sort of thing. I guess you mean my friend. He's smart enough for a professor. Invented a lot of things. How much is the damage?" "No professor?" cried Miss Perkman indignantly. "Why I understood from Miss Nestor that she called some one professor." "I was referring to my friend, Mr. Swift," said Mary. "His father's a professor, anyhow, isn't he, Tom? I mean Mr. Swift!" "I believe he has a degree, but he never uses it," was the lad's answer. "Ha! Then I have been deceived! There is no professor present!" and the old maid drew herself u

When I saw that item, I said to my wife, "I don't think spaghetti grows on trees", so we'd looked it up in Encyclopædia Britannica. Do you know, Miall, Encyclopædia Britannica doesn't even mention spaghetti.