I was at my friends house and we were bragging about how little we can eat. My friend J.B sister said some times I don't eat all day. I asked her, "oh you fast?" Then she says, "No, I'm actually pretty slow." Then her mom told her fasting is not eating for a long time. That is why breakfast is called breakfast, to break your fast and eat. Then his sister goes, "How do you know?" I busted a gut so bad. She should have been a blond.

What bird can't fly as high as you can jump? A bird in a cage.

A student said to Professor Stigler: "Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? Can you make a candle out of your earwax? When French people swear do they say pardon my English? Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? Can a fire truck park in the fire lane? Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time? "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute? Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? Are marbles made of marble? Why does the last piece of ice always

Everyone on a passenger ship could see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?" "I have no idea," the Captain replied, "but, every year when we pass by here, he goes crazy."

365.25 days on a low-calorie diet - 1 lite year

Two kids were sitting at a lunch table. One was quite a joke-teller, so he started telling a joke he had heard. "There are three types of people in this world," he said, "those who can count and those who can't." The other kid said, "But what about the other type of person?" "There is no other type!" the first kid said, "that was the joke!" "No! You said it wrong! You didn't say what the third type was!" "That was the joke! TWO TYPES of people in this world! Those who can count, AND THOSE WHO CANT!" "But you didn't say what the third type was!" So, after many hours, the second boy FINALLY understood the joke.

There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down to the bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friends huddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat. Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them, "What's the Purple Wombat?" "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimed disgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy, always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy, confused, got on the bus along with the rest

British Columbia, Canada: Police officers on patrol about 1:00 am spotted 4 men breaking into a vehicle. They gave chase on foot, catching and arresting two of the men. The other two escaped. A couple of hours later, two men showed up at the main desk of the police station, asking when their buddies were going to be released. They were carrying (and wearing) items which had been stolen from the car.

Paris - French Prime Minister Jacques Chirac, in honor of France's agreement with Germany to undermine America's efforts in the War on Terror, took German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder on a tour of sites in the French capital city that were visited by another German Chancellor, Adolf Hitler, during his famous Victory Tour of 1940. "It's so nice to be collaborating with the Germans again," said Chirac during a press conference at the Versailles Palace outside of Paris. "I mean, it's not like there was any real resistance movement when Germany ruled us during World War II. And those black leather coats the Gestapo men wore. Simply to die for." Most French citizens this reporter spoke with exp

Q: Why do they have trees in Paris? A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun.

Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried? A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.