Get to the ledge of the plane. Then, you will do the following: 1.Squat 2.Pray 3.Leap 4.AHHHH! (It's what you scream on the way down, isn't it?) 5.Touchdown Yes sir, thats S...P...L...A...T In other words, SPLAT!

Q: Why is good to be French? A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

·Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. ·One should love animals. They are so tasty. ·Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. ·Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. ·Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. ·The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise. ·Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. ·Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. ·Children in back seats cause accidents. Accidents in back seats cause children. ·The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the l

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter. SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

The teacher stood at the front of the room. "Does anybody know what this Monday is?" About half of the students raised their hands. The teacher pointed to one of them. "It's Columbus Day!" he crowed. The teacher smiled. "It is. Does anybody know why we celebrate it?" This time, only one student raised her hand. "It's the day the Indians discovered Columbus!" How very true indeed.

A teenage guitarist got so carried away while bouncing up and down on his bed mimicking a rock star that he flew out of a third floor window to his death, a Singapore newspaper reported yesterday. The Straits Times said Li Xiao Meng, a 16-year-old from China who was studying at Singapore's Hua Business School, was a keen musician who liked to jump up and down while playing his guitar in his hostel room. "But on November 17 he took things a bit too far," the newspaper said, reporting on a coroner's court findings. Ruling death by misadventure, the court said evidence "points to the deceased unintentionally falling out of the window to his death when he was hyped up with exhilaration, jumpi

Ivan, an experienced parachutist with 800 jumps under his belt, was videotaping a private lesson given by an instructor for a single trainee. He had attached the video camera to his helmet so that it would capture the entire day of instruction, and the supporting power supply and recorder were in a heavy satchel slung on his back. The group went up in the plane, and the instructor led the enthusiastic beginner through preparations for the jump. Ivan carefully documented the lesson, which needed to be perfect for the sake of posterity. When they reached the jump site, Ivan jumped from the back of the plane and filmed the student and instructor jumping from the front of the plane. A few hear

51. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos. 52. The numbers "172″ can be found on the back of the US 5 dollar bill, in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial. 53. Coconuts kill about 150 people each year. That's more than sharks. 54. Half of all bank robberies take place on a Friday. 55. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before it. 56. The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672. 57. The first bomb the Allies dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. 58. The average raindrop falls at 7 miles per hour. 59. It took Leonardo Da Vinci 10 years to paint Mona Lisa. He never

Once upon a time, there was a man holding a magical lamp, he went to a bar where he then got a drink. The bartender sees him and asks him to chat, the man says,"I have a magical lamp rite here!" The bartender says," Wow, does this mean I can wish for a million bucks." The man goes, "Yes!" Bartender goes:" I wish for a million bucks!" POOF! The air is filled with 1 million ducks. The bartender outraged says," Hey you cheated me!" The man goes, "Hey it ain't that easy!" *Sorry, Did my best

Three kids were walking on a beach looking for shells when one of them finds a magic lamp. They rub it, and the genie that comes out said that each could fall into a pit of whatever they desired. The first guy said "Money and treasure" and then he was poofed into a pit of money and treasure. The second guy said "Pleasure, happiness, and electronics" and then he was poofed into a pit of pleasure, happiness, and electonics. Then the third guy (who was stupid and swore/cussed a lot) said "Ah CRAP!!! Those were my ideas!" and then he was poofed intoa pile of crap (or faeces, or poop, whichever you prefer calling it!)!

Larry: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great Fall? Mary: Because he had a bad summer.

Using the BrainTracker grid below, how many words can you find? Each word must contain the central W and no letter can be used twice, however, the letters do not have to be connected. Proper nouns are not allowed, however, plurals are. There is at least one nine letter word. Excellent: 23 words. Good: 18 words. Average: 15 words. Common words: low, lower, lowlier, owe, owl, pew, pillow, power, prow, prowl, row, we, weir, well, will, willow, WILLPOWER, wipe, wiper, wire, woe, wore, wow. All words: low, lowe, lower, lowlier, lwei, ow, owe, owl, pew, pillow, plew, plow, plower, pow, power, prow, prowl, row, rowel, we, weir, well, wile, will, willer, willow, willower, WILLPOWER, wipe, wiper,