How do you know policemen are strong? Because they can hold up traffic. What do termites eat for breakfast? Oakmeal. What do massage therapists eat for dinner? Spa-ghetti. Why were the suspenders arrested? For holding up a pair of pants. How does the queen bee get around her hive? She's throne. What do bees do if they don't want to drive? Wait at the buzz stop. Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" What's the friendliest school? Hi school. What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard. (It's good for a hot dog.)

There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down to the bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friends huddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat. Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them, "What's the Purple Wombat?" "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimed disgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy, always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy, confused, got on the bus along with the rest

British Columbia, Canada: Police officers on patrol about 1:00 am spotted 4 men breaking into a vehicle. They gave chase on foot, catching and arresting two of the men. The other two escaped. A couple of hours later, two men showed up at the main desk of the police station, asking when their buddies were going to be released. They were carrying (and wearing) items which had been stolen from the car.

There was a king who was memorizing a script to tell everyone in the land that everyone got free chocolate. But really it was filled with poison to kill them all. A guard walked by and said in a whisper, "Remember it is filled with poison, but do not say it is filled with poison. Understand?" The King responded, "Yes, I do." The king was deaf in one ear so he often times missed what people say. He walked up to the microphone. He said, "I know you all love delicous chocolate. So I've decided to give you all special gift. Who want's to know?" Everyone hollered out "I do!" So the king hollered, "Okay then! Free Poisonous Chocolate for all!"

Want to hear a backwards joke? ekoj

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!" MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money you father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?'" HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on the wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!" COLUMBUS'S MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered Christopher, you could have written!" BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, How many times have I told you--quit playing baseball in the house! that's the third window you've broken this week!" MICHAELANGELO'S MOTHER: " Mike, can't you paint on walls like other child

Get to the ledge of the plane. Then, you will do the following: 1.Squat 2.Pray 3.Leap 4.AHHHH! (It's what you scream on the way down, isn't it?) 5.Touchdown Yes sir, thats S...P...L...A...T In other words, SPLAT!

"Of course I know what I'm doing!" "Trust me." "Say, what happens if I press this?" "Stop being so negative!" "I'm perfectly fine. Really." "Do you smell something burning?" "It's not that poisonous. Look, if I eat some first will you try it?" "See? Told you I wasn't afraid of heights!" "You know, bears are really very social creatures. That one over there is smiling at me!" "I think this is what they said to do. At any rate, I guess we'll see soon!" "No! Why would I need to read some silly instructions?" "Just wondering - what does skull and cross-bones mean? Did this bottle belong to pirates? It did taste kind of odd."

Q: Why do they have trees in Paris? A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun.

Q: Why is good to be French? A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried? A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.

·Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. ·One should love animals. They are so tasty. ·Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. ·Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. ·Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. ·The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise. ·Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. ·Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. ·Children in back seats cause accidents. Accidents in back seats cause children. ·The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the l