MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night). GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. DR

Try to refrain from referring to this website or the users of this website in the jokes you post on Wocka. This is mainly because most of the people who read the jokes might not understand the reference to a particular person and they will rate the joke poorly because they do not understand it.

Age 1: You don't piddle in your pants Age 4: You can walk without help Age 21: You can drive Age 60: You can drive Age 70: You can walk without help Age 80: You don't piddle in your pants

rats have more bones than men parrot can see backwards without turning its head HUMMING BIRD - (RUBY-THROATED) -------------------------------- MASS: About 3-4g (a nickel weighs about 5g). LENGTH: About 8.5cm (3.5") from tip of bill to tip of tail WING BEATS: About 60-80 times per second in normal flight, up to 200 times per second in courtship dives SPEED: Normal flight about 25mph; up to 65kph (40mph) in a courtship dive HEARTBEATS: About 250 times per minute while at rest, about 1,220 per minute while flying BREATHING: About 250 breaths per minute while at rest BODY TEMPERATURE: 40.5 degrees C (105-108 degrees F) FEATHERS: A typical Hum-bird has 940 feathers. FEED RATE: Eats ab

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!

Policeman: "When I saw you coming around the corner, I said to myself, `fifty-five at least.'" Woman driver: "Well, you are a long way off! It's this hat that makes me look so old!"

An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old-fashioned. I wouldn't be surprised if this tree gave you less than twenty pounds of apples." "Wouldn't surprise me, either," said the farmer, "this is an orange tree."

The following is something actually said by my dad. I wanted to see what my dad would say if I said I might be gay, here was his reaction. YOU'D BETTER NOT BE!! EVEN IF I HAVE TO BUY YOU SOME PUSSY, YOU WILL NOT BE GAY!!!!!!

(A continuation of Joke #7939 Idiot #9 - - - - - - A woman called the cops from her house and said, "My ex-boyfriend stole my pot!" So the police went to the ex-boyfriends house, took the marijuana, and arrested him. The same officer went to the woman's house and asked her to identify if it was her pot. She confirmed it was hers, and was taken away in the police car.

"Of course I know what I'm doing!" "Trust me." "Say, what happens if I press this?" "Stop being so negative!" "I'm perfectly fine. Really." "Do you smell something burning?" "It's not that poisonous. Look, if I eat some first will you try it?" "See? Told you I wasn't afraid of heights!" "You know, bears are really very social creatures. That one over there is smiling at me!" "I think this is what they said to do. At any rate, I guess we'll see soon!" "No! Why would I need to read some silly instructions?" "Just wondering - what does skull and cross-bones mean? Did this bottle belong to pirates? It did taste kind of odd."

Two guys were swapping stories in the park one day and one guy (a war vet) mentioned that during the war he was captured and held for weeks without food. The other guy asked, "How could you survive without food?" "It wasn't easy," he said. "But I had a big meal before I was captured and learned to eat my own shit." "WHAT?? That's disgusting!" said the first guy. "I don't believe you!" Without a second thought the vet reached into his pants, shit in his hand and promptly ate it on the spot. The second guy (now gagging) said, "My God! If you can do that so easily, we can bet big money and rake in a fortune!!" "Sounds good to me," said the vet. "I can use the money." The next day the guy

A woman who was driving down the highway pulled over to the side of the road when the policeman driving behind her turned on his lights and siren. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quietly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she politely replied. "Interesting," said the officer. "Do you always loop it through your steering wheel like that?"