One day Barney was driving his "Drugmobile" down the street and a cop pulled him over, said; "Something screwy is goin' on here, hey don't I know you!" and was about to put handcuffs on Barney but, Barney quickly said: "Oh crap, there's a J-Walker" and ran away to his drug mobile. The cop said: "Come here J-Walker". "Works every time" Barney said as he drove away.

"Mom! Deaf kids at school are making fun of me." "What did they say?"

GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD Crawford, Texas (AP) A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one. The White House tried to call FEMA but there was no answer.

A man was screaming into his phone saying "Can you hear me now?". Annoyed, a CIA offical said "Yes, we can hear you now!"

Their was a very rich old lady that died.Before she died she gave all her money and stuff to her children and grandchildren. She had one thing left to give out. It was a diamond. She said she hid it in a cylinder with squares. A grandchild said he knew where it was. Where was it???

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." So they awakened the old man and asked him to tell a story. "Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. "I don't know how long I was asleep when I suddent

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night). GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. DR

Try to refrain from referring to this website or the users of this website in the jokes you post on Wocka. This is mainly because most of the people who read the jokes might not understand the reference to a particular person and they will rate the joke poorly because they do not understand it.

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will live forever. Life is too short. Don't be a jerk. Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life. If life is like a bowl of cherries, then I'm living in the pits! Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I'm not going. Germs attack people where they are weakest. This explains the number of head colds. It's not just the ups and downs that make life difficult. It's the jerks. I don't know what I want, but I do know I don't have it.

Did you ever watch the Food Network? Ya, they cook stuff that you won't even think about cooking, and afterwards you don't even bother to even remember it. People just sit at home and drool... It's like porno for fat people.

Two lawyers are leaving the office. "I can't wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's panties right off." "I know the feeling," the other says. "No, I'm serious," says the first. "They're killing me."

A bag of Cheetos has a contest. It says "No Purchase neccesary" but the code is on the inside...