As most young, weak, and smart kids are, Ken was picked on constantly by the bullies in school. They stole his lunch, they beat him up and just made his life downright miserable. It took him a couple of weeks to find a way to get back at these bullies and when he figured out what would get them back, he went all out. He was on the bus where he normally got his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then, making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds and started popping them in his mouth making it obvious to the rest of the kids as possible by making yum yum noises. The bully, without asking, snatched th

Q: What do you call people who use condoms? A: Parents.

"I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'" "I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'" "I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, 'That is cool.' But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, 'That is not cool'. Then I figur

Eric A. Barcia, a 22-year-old Reston, VA resident, was found dead yesterday after he used bungee cords to jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. The fast food worker taped a number of bungee cords together and strapped one end around his foot. Barcia had the foresight to anchor the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, and he even remembered to measure the length of the bungee cords to make sure that they were a few feet short of the 70 foot drop. He proceeded to fall headfirst from the trestle, and hit the pavement 70 feet below several seconds later. Fairfax County police said "The stretched length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance betwe

A man comes from a foreign country and buys a T.V. to learn some English, he turns to the first channel and it says, "I did it, I did it I'm a big kid now." He turns to the next channel and it said, "Fork and knife, fork and knife." He turns to one of those little kid commercials and they were saying, "Under the Sea," while wave their hands around crazily. The next one was a Ziploc commercial, saying, "Ziploc bags, keeps things fresssshh." He turns to the final commercial he has on his T.V. and it says, "Plug it in! Plug it in!" He buys a "stolen" car by accident which has a dead lady in the trunk, he drives for a while then finally the police pull him over. They open the car trunk and they

Can you decipher this phrase? MTGG A hungry horse! MT (empty) GG (gee gee = horse).

Politically correct word for dead: Living Impaired

A tramp knocked on the door of a house. "What do you want?" said the owner. "Can you spare some money to help a poor person?" said the beggar. As soon he was given a few coins and told to go on his way, the beggar complained, "Your son gave me twice as much when I called here last week." "Well, my son can afford to," said the owner, "he has a very rich father."

Melvyn and Max were left quite a large plot of land by their rich father. However, this caused the two sons much grief. For months they argued long and hard over how the land should be divided between them. The solution just wasn't that simple, so they took the problem to their priest. "Father," said Melvyn, "can you please help us solve our problem?" As soon as he had heard their case, Father Murphy said, "Come back tomorrow and we'll talk again." The next day, Melvyn and Max returned and the priest gave them his solution. He gave Max a coin and said, "You can toss the coin." "And you," said Father Murphy to Melvyn, "can call it, heads or tails. Whoever wins the toss will divide the land.

Q. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's day? A. Regular Rocks are too heavy!

Why is a pool table green? Because if someone racked your balls you'd be green too.

As I always say, "REAL men don't shave below the neck." Well, unless they are a body builder, I guess you have to show it off. Then again, it might be good for a boxer to be more slippery so punches have less "stick" or whatever. Yea, I guess it's the same with kick boxers. Also, I guess porn stars have their reasons. And male models.... OK, I guess I meant that "REAL men don't shave below the neck, unless they can beat me up, of course."