Jack = 11 in cards.

"So I was talking to my family and we were doing a family get together session, you know the one teens dread? That one. And my mom asks me, 'if you could ask one person 2 questions, what would ask them?' So I thought and decided to "question" the director of the movie 2012." Me: Sir, your movie is based of the catastrophes that might happen in 2012. Will most people die? Director of 2012: Sure. Me: If you go down, do George Clooney and Brad Pitt go down with you, because that will make me the sexiest man alive.

When you look up Yahoo! Answers on Yahoo! search, it tells you it's deleted according to community guidelines. When you look it up on Google Search, it's restored according to Google Cache's workings.

"Mom! Deaf kids at school are making fun of me." "What did they say?"

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph, he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself, and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. "What on earth am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give m

A man was screaming into his phone saying "Can you hear me now?". Annoyed, a CIA offical said "Yes, we can hear you now!"

Procrastinators meeting tomorrow.

I AM WRITING IN CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE IT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE I AM YELLING IN YOUR HEAD AND I LIKE THE IDEA OF YELLING IN YOUR HEAD. IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL!!!

Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. "They should not put up such misleading notices," said Joe. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

I AM NOT A RACIST PERSON, I JUST FIND THIS FUNNY. There was once a rich pakistani. His name was Azif. (As if)

A man at the movies had left his seat to buy an ice-cream. On his return he said to an old lady sitting at the end of the row, "I'm sorry, but did I step on your toe a minute ago?" The woman angrily replied "Yes, you certainly did!" "Oh," said the man, "Then this is my row."

According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.