In the first book of the Bible, Guinness's, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to humour thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the

Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence." Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?" Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

What's invisible and very frightened? A ghost with the sheet scared out of him.

Why did the first blonde president move out of the oval office? She couldn't find a corner to put her stuff in.

How many little brothers does it take to change a light bulb? Three- one to hold onto the bulb and two to turn the ladder.

19. How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? Shine a torch in her ears. 20. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them. 21. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen. How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? There's writing on the white-out. 22. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once. 23. What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagen? Far-from-thinking 24. What did the blonde think of the new computer? She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9. 25. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? (With a rocking

The running water in Singapore can be drunk directly. So when I get thirsty, I go to the toilet and drink. But how to make a bowl of instant noodle? A girl thinks: "Since the running water can be drunk directly, the water from electric bathing machine also can!" So she use the water from bathing machine to make instant noodle.

2 blondes are walking in the park and the 1st blonde says, "LOOK! Dead bird!" The 2nd blonde looks up into the sky and yells "Where?!"

How many FBI agents does it take to change a lightbulb? Shut up! We'll be asking the questions here.

I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bed-time finally came, I laid down the law: "We're putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!" Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies." Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"

The Fart Dictionary The Alarm Fart - This is a good fart for the beginner. It is easy to identify. It starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, and ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. It sounds like something is wrong. If it happens to you, you will know right off why it is called the Alarm Fart. You will be alarmed. The alarm fart however is rare. The Amplified Fart - This is any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from the fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table,and empty fifty gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they are strong through being a

A drunk man walked up to an elevator. He pressed the up button and opened the doors before the elevator could come down to him. He fell all the way down, and said, "Darn it, I said up."