Popular Jokes
Mr. Dodgers and the children in the neighbourhood are raking leaves at Mr. Dodger's house. They have three piles of leaves in the back yard, and seven piles of leaves in the front yard. When Mr. Dodgers and the children put all the piles together, how many piles of leaves will they have?
JUST ONE BIG PILE!!!
A man's mother-in-law moves in with him. About two weeks later, he comes home and discovers her lying on the floor of the living room. He calls 911 and they send the ambulance over, and the ambulance rushes the woman to the hospital. The man is pacing the waiting room. A doctor finally comes out to speak with him.
The doctor says, "I have good news, and bad news."
The man replies, "Well, tell me the good news first."
The doctor says, "Your mother-in-law sustained a major heart attack, but she didn't die. In fact she will probably live another 20 to 30 years. She unfortunately lost her ability to speak, and she will make this awful screeching and squawking noise, like a parrot. She has al
"Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know.
He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.
Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly.
"Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and
It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.
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You may not sing in the bathtub.
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Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.
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Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.
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Motorized vehicles are not to be sold on Sundays.
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You may not catch a fish with your hands.
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You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.
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Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.
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Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your ow
How do you confuse an Irishman?
Line 4 shovels up against a wall and tell him to take his pick.
A guy in a restaurant says to the waitress, "I want a cup of coffee without cream."
The waitress comes back a few minutes later and says, "I'm sorry, but we're all out of cream. Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?"
The smartest dogs are the Jack Russell Terrier and Scottish Border collie. Dumbest: Afgan hound.
A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.
The fat molecules in goat's milk are 5 times smaller than those found in cow's milk. It takes 20 minutes for the stomach to break down as opposed to the hour that it takes to break down cow's milk.
If you think your life is bad, how would you like to be an egg?
You get laid once in life, you only get eatten once in life, It takes 4 min to get hard, but only 2 min. to get soft, you share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.
Pass this to someone who needs a good lay, sorry I mean day.
Into town I drove my tank,
I was gonna rob a bank.
My money was running really low,
As I got near I shouted "bank ho!"
Drove a hole right through the wall,
Found I was in a shoppin' mall.
I 'poligized'n left through the hole.
I was definitely not on a roll.
I snuck a look at my GPSâ¢
Blew up a truck labeled HESSâ¢.
Then I proceeded towards the bank;
Oh how dearly I love my tank.
Headed towards the Eastern wall,
Ran a kid over, like a doll.
With a push and a heave, the wall broke.
The button "fire" I got ready to poke.
Oh so fun to rob a bank;
'cept my hair was pretty lank.
Wouldn't believe how hot it was there,
Humidity is bad for your hair.
Shot down the security,
Their defense wa
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
- Thomas Alva Edison.
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