Popular Jokes
Father O'Malley has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, he decides to take a vacation. He's never been married and is curious about what Americans endure in everyday life, so he decides to go to the States before it's too late.
He hops on a Nevada bound plane and arrives at the airport in Las Vegas. While he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to hm and exclaims, "Elvis! Good Lord, it's Elvis! I always knew you weren't dead, Elvis! How have you been?"
Father O'Malley looks at her and says, "Get outta me face. Can you not see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a bit like him." He then moves on to his taxi waiting outside. He hops in the cab and is a little upset,
Joseph, Mary and their son were doing chores around their home in Nazareth when suddenly, Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, "Did you call me?"
"No, I'm sorry," Joseph replied, "I just hit my thumb with the hammer again."
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered.
"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special."
"What's a Midnight Special?"
"A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread."
"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?"
"Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin
One day at a school for the deaf (hearing impaired), they decide to have one of the students lead a pep rally for the football team. Here's how it went.
Rally leader: What are we gonna do?
Ralliers: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
R: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
R: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
R: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
A Wocka user has average joke comedy 2.5, but he doesn't get the smiley.
Why can it happen?
Because his average joke comedy is between 2.495 and 2.5, which is rounded up to 2.5.
A prisoner in the new Allegheny County Jail in Pittsburgh attempted to evade his punishment by engineering an escape from his confinement. Jerome constructed a hundred-foot rope of bedsheets, broke through a supposedly shatter-proof cell window, began to climb to freedom down his makeshift ladder.
It is not known whether his plan took into account the curiosity of drivers on the busy street and Liberty Bridge below. It certainly did not take into account the sharp edges of the glass, the worn nature of the bedsheet, nor the great distance to the pavement. The bottom of the knotted bedsheet was 86 feet short of the ground. But our hero did not reach the end of the rope. The window pane slice
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WHY? BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE OF THE VERY VERY VERY FEW WHO READ THE README FILE!
But because the other, huge percentage do NOT, we moved the actual contents of this file into IGNOREME file because the chances for most of the people to read IGNOREME are at least the chances to read README (more than that, we
believe they are really much higher).
So now, go read IGNOREME with the actual contents what you would have expected here.
An Irishman, a Scotsman, and an American walk into a bar.
The beginning of a cheesy joke?
You betcha.
There's a blind old lady who live with her 5 grand children. Every morning the kid's got up and prepared to go to school, just before they left they each gave her a kiss and walk out at the same time she touches' the kid's face and call out their name.
After school they each gave her a kiss at the front door and head in, as each kid's kiss her, she just touch the kid's face and she would say, "Hello Simon, Your getting chubby every day."
She touches another face and she said, "Hello Sarah, Your getting finer."
She feels the other kid. "Hello Tom."
"Hello Mark, You're looking fine.
"Hello Marry, You are beautiful.
However mark, is so annoyed by her grandmother that he decided to put her into
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