Vermont: Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week - on Saturday night. Indiana: Bathing is prohibited during the winter. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic. Massachusetts: Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts. Kentucky: By l

Connecticut: You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands. Illinois: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Iowa: Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes. West Virginia: No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions." Oklahoma: Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private p

Why is revenge sweet, but payback is a b*tch?

#1 Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die. #2 Historically, a blue ribbon has been awarded for first prize. #3 The motto of M-G-M movie studios is Art for Art's Sake. #4 The lion that roars in the MGM logo is named "Volney." #5 It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it. #6 The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal. #7 The Mercedes-Benz motto is 'Das Beste oder Nichts' meaning 'the best or nothing'. #8 The color blue has a calming effect. It causes the brain to release calming hormones. #9 There are more Rolls Royce cars in Hong Kong than anywhere else in the world. #10 X-ray technology has shown there are 3 differen

The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she'd pipe up, "Have we reached Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?" "No, lady, not yet; I'll let you know," he replied, time after time. The hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Oriskany Falls, and finally the little town came into view. Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the brakes, pulled over and called out, "This is where you get out, lady." "Is this Oriskany Falls?" "YES!" he bellowed. "Get out!" "Oh, I'm going all the way to Albany, sonny," she explained sweetly. "It's just that my daughter told me that when we got to Oriskany Falls, it'll be time take my blood pressure pill."

When the media askes George Bush a question about the war he says, "Uhh, Can I use a life line?"

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73 worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard - which turned his petty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than three years ago, Florida's repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for life without the possibility of parole. INSULT TO INJURY An unemployed sanitation worker in Miami is also facing life in prison - for shooting himself in the privates. In a drunken

"I'm very sorry sir, but I don't have my homework with me- I left my bag on the bus." "Well done! A+"

Can you decipher this phrase? RU[color=red]E[/color] Are you ready: [R U + red E].

Dozen^2 = Gross.

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gone. I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd.

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed of spending holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so. One day they came up with an idea - each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank. They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank. The husband looked at their savings and said: "Isn't it strange - each time we had sex, I put $20.00 into the piggy, but I see tons of $50.00 bills and a few $100.00 bills." The wife replied, "Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?"