A guy gets home from work one night and hears a little voice. The little voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the little voice. The next day, when he gets home from work, the same thing happens. The little voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again, the man ignores the little voice, though he is very troubled by the event. Every day, day after day, the man hears the same little voice when he gets home from work, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Each time the man hears the little voice he becomes increasingly upset. Finall

Mr. Dodgers and the children in the neighbourhood are raking leaves at Mr. Dodger's house. They have three piles of leaves in the back yard, and seven piles of leaves in the front yard. When Mr. Dodgers and the children put all the piles together, how many piles of leaves will they have? JUST ONE BIG PILE!!!

Cat Lover or not, this is hysterical! We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the

TRUE STORY My boyfriend decided to invite me over to his home one day. When I arrived, I was hoping we would be alone. When I got in, it was dark, except for the room we were in and I couldn't hear any noise, so I guessed we were. We started to make out until he grabbed my hand and brought me upstairs, covering my eyes and saying; "I have a surprise for you, why don't you make yourself a little more comfortable." Of course, I took that as a hint that he wanted sex, and he left saying he'd be back in five minutes. So I took off my clothes, sitting on his bed. Five minutes later, he called me to come out into the room next door to his room. I walked out proudly and walked into another ro

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Maybe it's true that life begins at 40. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

- Only in America can a pizza guy get to your door faster than an ambulance. - Why do slow-down and slow-up mean the same thing? - Why are wise man and wise guy opposites? - Why is it that when stuff goes on a truck it's called a shipment and on a boat it's called cargo? - Why do we drive in a parkway and park in a driveway? - Why do we press harder on things when we know the batteries are dead?

These guidelines are not hard rules for submitting acceptable jokes, but they will help you submit a jokes that the most people will enjoy and rank highly, thus increasing your score.

With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one of them asked. "Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first." Another half hour passed before another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "No, not yet," said the mother. A while later and again the guests asked, "May we see the baby now?" "No, not yet," replied the mother. Growing impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?" "When she cries!" she told them. "When she cries?" they gasped

An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere in Nevada when his car breaks down. He examines it and finds that a technician must be called, but the chief has only $4 and no credit card. So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: "Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!" The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure of its meaning, signals back - once again, with smoke: "OK, chief, but why so much?" At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky. The tribe signals: "Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, no need to get mad!"

An Irish guy was digging a hole in his front lawn, when his neighbour walks by and says, "Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?" "Digging a hole," said Patrick. "What's wrong with the hole next to it?" said his neighbour. "That one wasn't deep enough," said Patrick.