Brad: Chad, how does Sherlock Holmes sneeze? Chad: A clue ! A clue!

Can you decipher this phrase? RU[color=red]E[/color] Are you ready: [R U + red E].

- What did you have for dinner last night? - Your mom. - ...and for dessert? - Your mom.

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book Let's see the results . . . "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry. "Oh, well - I was at Hogwarts meself but I - er - got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything." A magic wang . . . this was what Harry had been really looking forward to. "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon, Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work. Your father

What did the lollipop say to the popsicle? 'Cool, dude!'

I believe in evolution and if you don't I will let you meet my relatives.... Then you'll believe me

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The religious cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star." Their faith in hu

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now ha

Q: What device lets you see through a wall? A: Window

My son is proof that anyone can be successful enough to drive a BMW or Mercedes. And besides, he looks so cute in his valet parking attendant uniform.