Popular Jokes
Fool me once shame on you
Fool me twice shame on me
Fool me thrice you are not nice
Fool me four times and I am gonna cap your sorry ass.
Teacher: Jimmy, use the word "handsome" in a sentence.
Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya?
Teacher: No, no, that's not right. You have one more chance. Use the word "gladiator" in a sentence.
Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I'm gladiator.
Can you decipher this phrase?
KCAB KCAB
Back to back: [i.e. two back(s) - written back(wards)]
Yo Momma so short, when she saw a set of stairs she said, "I never knew Mount Everest was here."
Yo Momma so short, she called a dolls house a set of flats!
One day, Farrah Fawcett died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.Peter greeted her.
"Hello, and welcome. You have lived a life full of prosperity and love. You have given millions around the world entertainment with your acting. Now I will provide you with one wish for the Earth before you enter Heaven. What is it?"
Farrah thought for a minute, but answered, "I would like all the children in the world to be safe."
The next day, Michael Jackson died.
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your
illy Ray Cyrus: Hey Miley, When did you record that song ?
Miley Cyrus : That's Justin Bieber song .
Justin Bieber is borrowing cloths from Lady Gaga for her next video .
Q: Why Justin Biebers use elevator most of the time ?
A: To reach puberty as soon as possible.
Your momma is so stupid that she think Justin Bieber is a Guy .
Your mother is so stupid that she think Justin Bieber can sing.
Kim Kardasian : I think i got " Bieber Fever"
Doctor : No it is "Herpes".
Justin staring at Gibson Guitar , " What is this thing , it has 6 strings. My guitar at home has 5 buttons .
What does Justin Bieber and the crowd at Time Square for new years have in common? They're both waiting for balls to
Men can't pack a bag.
Men wouldn't be caught dead wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the "Ho, Ho, Ho," thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
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When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"
"We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him.
"Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted.
"Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again," I quipped.
"Okay," he said. "I'm riding with Mom."
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