Popular Jokes
"I'm very sorry sir, but I don't have my homework with me- I left my bag on the bus."
"Well done! A+"
CONGRATULATIONS!
WHY? BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE OF THE VERY VERY VERY FEW WHO READ THE README FILE!
But because the other, huge percentage do NOT, we moved the actual contents of this file into IGNOREME file because the chances for most of the people to read IGNOREME are at least the chances to read README (more than that, we
believe they are really much higher).
So now, go read IGNOREME with the actual contents what you would have expected here.
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, He'll have a cheeseburger," Hillary replies.
John had been working for an Advertising Firm for almost three years, and was getting a promotion, when his boss called him into his office.
"John, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to let you go. When I put you up for promotion, the company did a background check, and we found out that you got kicked out of Yale for lying about getting your diploma. I'm sorry, but I need you out within the hour."
"But I've been working so hard, I've been doing such good work," John said
"I'm sorry, John, but we can't have liars working for us."
"But this is an advertising firm!"
"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President
"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel
"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
"Hi I'm Dean White, Dick, of the college."
- Richard (Dick) White, Duke University academic Dean introducing himself at a faculty dinner
"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president
"You
Q. What did God say after creating Adam
A. I must be able to do better than that.
Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A. They won't stop to ask for directions.
Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.
Q. How are men and parking spots alike?
A. Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
A. They are all married.
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gone.
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd.
Yo Momma so short, when she saw a set of stairs she said, "I never knew Mount Everest was here."
Yo Momma so short, she called a dolls house a set of flats!
You've probably heard: If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.
New Version: If at first you get hit below the belt, lower your belt!
Home
