A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' mother-fuckers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amaze

For those of you that remember the old Mitch Miller song "Sweet Violets" This is a crude take off on it... (p.s. - this is similar to Gizzers 'Sweet Violets' #604 but different, funnier and possibly cruder!) There was a young farmer who lived on a rock He liked to count sheep while he fingered his... Marbles and toys as in days of old yore And for a companion he had a young... Maiden whose passion was playing with dolls She told him she wanted to nuzzle his... Sweet violets Sweeter than the roses Covered all over from head to toe In sweet violets The farmer was pleased with all of his luck She claimed that she'd show him a new way to... Bring up the children and teach them to knit While

A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud, she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it. "What do you think mom?" she asked. Her mother replied, "If I wore that when I was your age, you would be 5 years older."

I believe in evolution and if you don't I will let you meet my relatives.... Then you'll believe me

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I'm so bad my imaginary friend left me.

Good luck turns into bad luck when you call the credit card company to tell them they made a mistake on your bill..... and they agree because they didn't charge you enough. Good luck turns into bad luck when the cutest boy rings you up.... then apologies because he dialed the wrong number.

Ok. I honestly saw this on a billboard: Illiterate? Call this number to learn how to read.

Name something a blind person might use - A sword Name a song with moon in the title - Blue Suede Moon Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar Name a famous brother & sister - Bonnie & Clyde Name a dangerous race - The Arabs Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers - A horse A kind of ache - Fillet 'O' Fish Something you open other than a door - Your bowels A food that can be brown or white - Potato A jacket potato topping - Jam A famous Scotsman - Jock Another famous Scotsman - Vinnie Jones Something with a hole in it - Window A non living object with legs - Plant A domestic animal - Le

Yo Momma so fat, when she went into a sumo wrestling match, they said, "Sorry, no professionals allowed."