Popular Jokes
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."
It was a very hot day in Minnesota. Inga finished hanging up the wash, put dinner in the oven and headed downtown to do some errands.
"Gootness, it's hot," she mused to herself, as she walked down Main Street.
As she passed by a tavern, she thought, "Vy nodt?" So she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender came up and asked her what she would like to drink.
"Ya know," Inga said, "it is so hodt. I tink I'll have myself ze coldt beer."
"Anheuser Busch?" asked the bartender.
Blushing, Inga replied, "Vell, tanks, und how's yer pecker?"
You never know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes.
But if you walked a mile in their shoes wouldn't their feet get cold?
Teacher: Jimmy, use the word "handsome" in a sentence.
Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya?
Teacher: No, no, that's not right. You have one more chance. Use the word "gladiator" in a sentence.
Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I'm gladiator.
"I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?!?' 'B-batteries, DANG IT!!!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'"
"A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive. 'Dude make a left.' 'Those are trees...' 'Trust me.'
"I like the beach. I like to get there really early before everyone else shows up and take like thirty bottles with notes in them and throw them into the water. Then I wait for everyone to come to the beach and when someone go
Shakespeare:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, here's the poison, suicide yourself for her.
Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
Don't worry, she will come back.
Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she doesn't comes back within some time forget her.
Patient:
Ig you love someone,
Set her free ....
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back.
Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free ....
*If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat*
C++ Programmer:
if(you-love(m_she
One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting on a bench by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, Mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."
"Oh, no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon," replied Rosita. "Please, corazoncita, just once, do Weeweechu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang .....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy
A recent immigrant had just completed a training course titled, 'Improve your English' and was taking an oral exam.
The examiner asked him to spell 'cultivate.' Jacob spelled it correctly.
The examiner then asked Jacob to use the word 'cultivate' in a sentence.
Jacob thought about it for a while, then replied, "Last winter, on a very cold day, I was waiting for the bus but it was too cultivate so I walked home."
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