What did the chicken say to the bully? Why don't you peck on someone your own size?

8 protons, 8 neutrons and 8 electrons in an oxygen atom!

Did you know they have Knight Rider in the GDR? It's a Trabant with a pocket calculator!

If you copy from your textbooks, it's making good use of what you've learnt. If you copy from anywhere else, it's plagiarism.

What happens to you if you can not read? Well, since you'll probably be staying in Kindergarten, less homework!

What's the difference between snow men and snow women? Snow BALLS! (Ding dong kind)

Two guys were at the gym. Bob asked Ben, "How did the date go with my sister?" Bob replied, "I didn't know your sister was famous. When I took her to the opera, and when it was over no one would leave until she stood up and sang."

One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment, killing him instantly. She was brought before the court on a charge of murder. The judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex... he could fly!"

Top Ten Reasons to Procrastinate 1.

This is a true story: A man was in a grocery store shopping, when he lit a cigarette. The manager walks up to him and politely asks him to extinguish it. The man refuses, saying " Well you sell cigarettes here, dont you?" The store manager replies " Yes sir we do, and we also sell condoms." The man quickly put the cigarette out.

President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time. Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing. What many people don't know is Chuck Norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath. Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning. Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car. Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol. Chuck Norris uses

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. All men are idiots....I married their king. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.