President Musharraf went to the US & had a meeting with President Bush. Bush said, "I want to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come with me." Bush takes him in a deep forest and says, "Dig the ground." Musharraf digs. Bush says, "More, more, more..." Musharraf has now reached 100 feet. Bush says, "So now, did you find anything?" Musharraf, "I got a wire!" Bush says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones!" Musharraf was very frustrated and he invited Bush to Pakistan. In Pakistan Musharraf says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in Pakistan!" He takes Bush to a forest and asks him to dig. After some time Musharraf says, "More. ...

Ahmed was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Tauseef Khan. As Tauseef stood beside the bed, Ahmed's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Tauseef lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Ahmed used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note, then died. Tauseef thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Tauseef was visting Ahmed's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Ahmed died. "You know," he said, "Ahmed handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing him, I'm

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

Why do bald men put holes in their pockets? So they can run their fingers through their hair!

Number of physicians in the US = 700,000 Accidental deaths caused by physicians/year =120,000. Accidental deaths/physician = 0.171 Number of gun owners in US = 80,000,000 Number of accidental gun deaths/year = 1500 Accidental deaths/gun owner =.0000188 Conclusion - Doctors are approximately 9000 times more dangerous than gun owners!

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters. It was my friend's birthday and I was mad at him, so I sent him a card. It said happy birthday, but I put quotes around the word "Happy"... sarcastic birthday, douchebag. I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then Í said, "Does he bite?" She said "No," and I said, "Oh yeah? Then how does he eat? ... Liar." I think it would be cool, if you were writing a ransom note in Microsoft Word, and it popped up, the

Change the position of just one of the words below so that all the words are in an alphabetical sequence: llama phoenix hyena alligator beaver elephant tortoise antelope Antelope. Move it from the end to the beginning, the initial letters will then spell ALPHABET!

How It Works Once upon a time a man told a small village, "I will buy monkeys for $10 each." Since there were many monkeys in the forest, the villagers caught them and sold them to the man. As the supply of monkeys diminished, the villagers' efforts slowed, so the man offered them $20 each. They renewed their efforts but the supply of monkeys diminished further, so he increased his price to $25. Soon no one could even find a monkey in the forest. The man increased his price to $50, but announced, "Since I must go to the city on business, I authorize my assistant to buy monkeys on my behalf." As soon as his boss was gone, the assistant told the villagers, "My boss has collected lots o

A man was fishing. After a while another angler came to join him. "Have you had any bites?" asked the second man. "Yes, lots," replied the first one, "but they were all mosquitoes."

guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?" He says, "I don't know." She holds up a finger and says, "That big?" He says, "Bigger." She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?" He says, "Smaller?" She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it." She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."

One day I was standing in the park wondering how frisbees get bigger when they get closer. Then it hit me.

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son,