A minister had just finished an excellent fried chicken dinner at the home of a congregation member when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard. "That's certainly a proud-looking rooster," the minister commented. "Yes, sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason to be proud-- one of his sons just entered the ministry."

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking. Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives. It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face. Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Nor

One day Socrates is walking down the road and sees his old friend Uripedes carrying a pair of pants. Socrates says "Hi, Uripedes" Uripidees says "I sure did, Usodes?"

Yo momma is like a lollipop, she is round and has been licked by everyone

There once was a girl from Darjeeling, Who could dance with exquisite feeling, There wasn't a sound For miles around, Except fly buttons hitting the ceiling!

Yo mama is so skinny Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex. Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared.

Rate this joke 4 smiles and g I'll give you $5 Stop here and rate now Read the rest after you vote You don't need to read the comments now Vote Now NOW NOW!!!! NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW DID YOU VOTE 4?

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife that I had a drinking problem, and to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I

Yo momma is so fat she wanted to go shopping for a new belt so she reached into the sky, then pulled off one of Saturn's rings and said, "Yep! Perfect fit."

An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere in Nevada when his car breaks down. He examines it and finds that a technician must be called, but the chief has only $4 and no credit card. So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: "Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!" The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure of its meaning, signals back - once again, with smoke: "OK, chief, but why so much?" At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky. The tribe signals: "Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, no need to get mad!"

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick. Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit. Tauru

One day, Mr. Dorren's first grade class was learning the alphabet. One of his students came up to Mr. Dorren and asked to go to the bathroom. Mr. Dorren said, "First, recite the alphabet." The student started, "A, B... ... L, M, N, O, Q..." When he finished, Mr. Dorren asked, "Where's the 'P'?" "Running down my legs." replied the student.