Popular Jokes
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one -
"John, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
"Just a minute, I have to go piss."
The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"
"What about you, Michael, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table."
"And you, Billy, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment
When kids say:
The party is supervised = It's supervised by a grandparent who falls asleep most of the time.
I'm doing well in school = Oh crap, I need help.
It's okay, I don't need help = Get the heck away from me.
When men say:
Hi honey, how are you? = I've been cheating on you for the last 2 months, or, I cheated on you last night.
When women say:
I'm too tired to make dinner = Who do you think I am making dinner for you every night? Can't a woman take a frickin' break?
A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife, "Honey, I got a new secretary, and imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."
The next day when he came home his wife asks, "How was your day?"
The man say, "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"
The third day he comes home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"
She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than you
My friend Sam was taking electricity as one of his high school electives, originally being interested in robotics. Unfortunately, he changed his mind, but was still stuck with finishing his despised electricity books. "Do you have any idea of a direction you are going to go now?" asked my mother. He shook his head. "No idea..." That's when my dad jumped in. "Well, even though you won't use it in your career, now you will know what happens electrically when you push the little red button and say 'Welcome to Sheetz, Pump 5 is on.'"
Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game.
That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game.
With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day, working or not.
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it will cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000), it would take him a whole 12 hours.
He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000
Whats faster than a speeding bullet, more powerfull than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings and has a carpark?
Super market
Man 1: "Why have you painted your car red on one side and blue on the other?"
Man 2: "So that if I bang into anyone, the witnesses will have a marvellous time in court contradicting each other!"
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher says "spit your gum out" and a train says "choo choo!!"
Home
