I asked the Lord to tell me Why my house is such a mess. He asked if I'd been 'computering', And I had to answer, "yes." He told me to get off my fanny And tidy up the house. And so I started cleaning up... The smudges off my mouse. I wiped and shone the topside. That really did the trick... I was just admiring my work... I didn't mean to 'click.' But click, I did, and oops I found A real absorbing site That I got SO way into... I was into it all night.> Nothing's changed except my mouse It's very, very shiny. I guess my house will stay a mess... While I sit here on my hiney.

President Musharraf went to the US & had a meeting with President Bush. Bush said, "I want to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come with me." Bush takes him in a deep forest and says, "Dig the ground." Musharraf digs. Bush says, "More, more, more..." Musharraf has now reached 100 feet. Bush says, "So now, did you find anything?" Musharraf, "I got a wire!" Bush says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones!" Musharraf was very frustrated and he invited Bush to Pakistan. In Pakistan Musharraf says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in Pakistan!" He takes Bush to a forest and asks him to dig. After some time Musharraf says, "More. ...

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar enjoying themselves, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks. Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk, and then somewhere between here and my house, I was abducted by an alien?" Everyone is shocked. "I heard about this kind of thing happening!" Bill says. "What did the alien do to you?" "I don't remember all the details," Ted says. "All I remember is being anally probed by the alien." Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Bill."

230 The number of keys in an ordinary piano is eighty eight 231 'Man is a Tool Making Animal' was said by Benjamin Franklin 232 The term 'anesthesia' was coined by Oliver Wendell Holmes 233 The first man to reach Antartica was Fabian Gottlieb 234 The Kilimanjaro volcano is situated in Tanzania 235 The invention that is considered to have built America is dynamite

Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please. We wanna give you a warning, 'Cause I found out this morning, About a dangerous, insidious computer virus. If you should get it, an email with the subject, 'stinky cheese', Better off protecting your chances, Under no circumstances, should you open it, Or else it will... Translate your documents into Swahili, Make your TV record "Gigli", Neuter your pets, and give you laundry static cling, Look out! It's gonna make your computer screen freeze, Look out! Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs, Look out! Erase your hard drive and your backups too, And the hard drive of anyone related to you! Virus alert! Delete immediate

Why was Johnny's math book sad? It had too many problems!

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself any time.

There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date... I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you. I used to come here all the time with my ex. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour. I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look. It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

"I'm feeling so ashamed of the way we live," a wife said to her husband, who preferred to spend his time laying on the couch watching TV, rather than finding a job. "My father pays our mortgage, my mother buys all of our groceries for us, my sister buys us our clothes, my uncle bought us a car. I'm feeling so ashamed." The husband raised his head and replied, "Well, you should feel ashamed. Those three worthless brothers of yours never even give us a cent!"

Pirate Blackbeard's ship license had expired so he went into the shipping license office and got a new one, but on the new one he needed an updated photo of himself. So, Pirate Blackbeard went into the photographer's room and asked to have his photo taken. The photographer obliged and said, "Ok, please pose front on" and took a photo. He need to take another photo so he asked Blackbeard to "Please Poseidon!"

One night a man is driving in his car and hears police sirens behind him. The man knows that with his car he could never out-drive the cop, so, seeing the officer looks fat and out of shape, he opens his car door and makes a run for it. The chase goes on about 20 minutes, with the cop finally catching him. The cop, completely out of breath, tells the man that he will not bring him to the station on one condition - the man, wondering why the cop wasn't going to turn him in, asked what the condition was. The cop said he wouldn't turn him in if he would help him lose another 5 pounds!

Can you decipher this phrase? TTTTTTTTTT Tent.