Maths teacher asks a blonde girl what comes after 69?" Essex girl replies "you wash your face and rinse your mouth DUH...!"

What did the father buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? - Bison!

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son,

A group of drug dealers from Mexico tried transporting 6,240 pounds of marijuana to America, by hiding it in a tanker truck disguised as a gasoline truck. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas station on the side of the truck. A woman was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a motel. She was armed with only an electric chainsaw that was not plugged in. Police in Idaho were amused when they arrived to write up a burglary, and the homeowner told them that the thief had taken his VCR, his bong, and his stash of marijuana. The police ticketed the guy for possession of drug paraphernalia. A girl went to a Taco Bell and asked for a taco with minimal lett

A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud, she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it. "What do you think mom?" she asked. Her mother replied, "If I wore that when I was your age, you would be 5 years older."

Is that a mirror in your jeans? Because I can see myself in them.

Signs in our world... Please be safe. Do not stand, sit, climb or lean on zoo fences. If you fall, animals could eat you and that might make them sick. Thank you. OUR AIM IS TO KEEP THIS BATHROOM CLEAN. GENTLEMEN: Your aim will help. Stand closer. It's shorter than you think. LADIES: Please remain seated for the entire performance. CAUTION: This machine has no brain. Use your own. St. Cyril of Alexandria Catholic Church Staying in bed shouting, Oh, God! does not constitute going to church. Diocese of Galveston-Houston. Stiff Nipples Air Conditioning Service. 020 8797 2690 Note to NiteLink Passengers. Ladies, the poles are fitted for your safety. No dancing. Attention Dog Gu

Chuck Norris invented the question mark. Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child. Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg. Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady...just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face. Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds. If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China. The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse

Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears? No, how was that? He had a right ear,a left ear,and a wild frontier.

Yo momma is so stupid, she got fired from an M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

Here's a chain mail I recieved. Hi there, Thought For The Day "Good looks catch the eye but a GOOD personality catches the heart. You're blessed with both!" Don't be flattered, this message was sent to ME! I just wanted YOU to read it. PASS IT ON.

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations throughout the U.S. Hopefully, none of us will be seeing similar ones on ours. - Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. - His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. - I would not allow this employee to breed. - This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be. - Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. - When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet. - He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. - This young lady has delusio