The first TV network kids show in the U.S. was "Captain Kangaroo." Before 1687 clocks were made with only an hour hand. There are towns named Sandwich in Illinois and Massachusetts. Caterpillars have over 2,000 muscles.

Ahmed was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Tauseef Khan. As Tauseef stood beside the bed, Ahmed's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Tauseef lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Ahmed used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note, then died. Tauseef thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Tauseef was visting Ahmed's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Ahmed died. "You know," he said, "Ahmed handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing him, I'm

Game Set Match = Tennis Set Match Run = Arson

Helen Waite is our credit manager. If you want credit, go to Helen Waite.

Some useless inventions: 1) A waterproof teabag 2) A swimsuit store in the North Pole 3) Sugar free, fat free, taste free chocolate 4) A parachute that opens on impact 5) An ejector seat in a helicopter

Alan Hall, 48, was found collapsed on the front lawn of his brother's Fairfield home on December 5, 8 hours after his penis had been cut off at the base. Paramedics rushed Hall to North Bay Medical Center, where surgeons were unsuccessful in their attempts to reattach his severed organ. Hall blamed the maiming on a woman named Brenda, whom he met at a local gas station the previous night. He brought Brenda to his trailer, parked in the driveway of his brother's Fairfield home, and had sex. Around 3AM, the woman mentioned revenge and cut off his penis with a razor-sharp hobby knife, then fled the trailer on foot. Details of the attack were sketchy, and police were unsure why Hall could not d

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

151. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. 152. Half of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18. 80% of burglaries are committed by people aged 13-21. 153. An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. 154. All polar bears are left-handed. 155. The catfish has over 27000 taste buds (more than any other animal) 156. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. 157. Butterflies taste with their feet. 158. Elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump. 159. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. 160. Starfish have no brains. 161. 11% of the world is left-handed. 162. John Hancock and Charles Thomson were the only

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Many of you may be too young to remember U.S. comedian Sam Levenson; he was popular from the 1940s through the mid-1960s. Levenson said things that made sense and it would be a shame if they faded into oblivion, so here are a few of his "nuggets" worth assaying. 1. The first screw to get loose in your head is the one that holds your tongue in place. 2. You're only young once. After that it takes some other excuse for behaving like an idiot. 3. Even if the majority agrees on an idiotic idea, it is still an idiotic idea. 4. There are more important things in life than money. The trouble is they all cost money. 5. On sex education in schools: Let them teach it! If the schools teach sex the

1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. 2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning. 3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going now?" 4. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leav

Maths teacher asks a blonde girl what comes after 69?" Essex girl replies "you wash your face and rinse your mouth DUH...!"