A Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Jason - Chicken Pie Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it. Christopher - Pumpkin Pie First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it. Christine - Turkey First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it. Isabelle - Sp

If four people are standing under an umbrella and the umbrella has a hole in it, how many people are getting wet? None. It wasn't raining!

During a dinner party, the hosts' two small children entered the dining room naked and proceeded to parade slowly around the table. Embarrassed, the parents pretended nothing was happening and continued to converse with their guests. The guests co-operated and also carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. After they finished walking all around the room, the children left. As the children disappeared from sight, there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "See, I told you, it IS vanishing cream!"

Redneck Threats: - I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtalk style. - This'll jar your preserves. - Don't you be making' me open a can o' whoop-ass on yaw!

What sits on a window sill, hums, and dies mysteriously 91 days after you bring it home? - An air conditioner with a 90 day warranty.

Q: What kind of soup do dogs like? A: Chicken Poodle! ___________________________________________ Q: Why DIDN'T the skeleton cross the road? A: Because he didn't have the guts! ___________________________________________ Q: What's purple and makes you burp? A: BELCH'S Grape Juice!

An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me beck the party!" She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again." He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party." She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again." He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it you-know-vere!" And he hangs up. Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We've come to take your telephone out." He says, "Vy?" They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago, but if you'd like to call up and apologize,

Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, He'll have a cheeseburger," Hillary replies.

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting on a bench by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, Mamacita, let's do Weeweechu." "Oh, no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita. "Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged. "But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon," replied Rosita. "Please, corazoncita, just once, do Weeweechu with me." Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu." Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang ..... "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy

An elderly couple was having a conversation, and the wife asked her husband a simple question :- "Boxers or briefs?" Her husband replied :- "Depends."

Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, a crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostles. "Paul... Paul," He calls out. Paul hears his name and comes to the front of the gathering. "Yes, Jesus, how may I serve you?" he exclaims. Just then a guard comes up to Paul, cuts Paul's right arm off with his sword, and throws him back into the crowd, saying, "No one is allowed to speak with the prisoner!" Jesus once again calls his name. "Paul . . . Paul", he calls. Paul, determined, goes to the front of the gathering again. There he meets the same guard who this time cuts off his le

Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us." After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from