A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining site at a campground. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. Impressed, a nearby camper sauntered over and said to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." "I have a system," the father replied. "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."

Once there was a woman taking a shower when she heard a knock on door. A voice called, "It's me, the fireman." So the woman wrapped a towel around herself and went to the door. The fireman said, "Congratulate me, I just put out a fire!" So the woman congratulated him and went back to her shower. Then she heard another knock on her door and a voice called, "It's me, the policeman". So the woman wrapped a towel around herself and went to the door. The policeman said, "Congratulate me, I just caught a robber". So the woman congratulated him and went back to her shower. But before long she heard another knock on her door and a voice called, "It's me, the blind man," so she didn't bother putting

A book never written: Becoming a Better Artist by N.O. Creativity

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offense. "You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty days' pay," said the officer. "All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."

Carole was planning her upcoming wedding and asked to wear her mother's wedding gown. When she tried it on, it was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Suddenly, her mother's eyes filled with tears. Putting an arm around her, Carole lovingly said, "Don't cry, Mom. Remember, you aren't losing a daughter, you're gaining a son." "Oh, it's not that," her mother sobbed. "I used to fit into that gown!"

So I said to the taxi driver, "King Arthur's Close." He said, "Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights." - Tommy Cooper.

Happiness doesn't bring money. I want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I'm now. The government has at least one problem for every solution. Only the conservatives can make the country like it used to be - a huge swamp full of dinosaurs. Democracy is having freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the thoughtfulness to use neither one. If you don't go to other people's funerals, they won't come to yours.

My grandson is four and can recite the whole Gettysburg Address. Abraham Lincoln couldn't do it until he was fifty-four. - Sam Levenson.

You never know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. But if you walked a mile in their shoes wouldn't their feet get cold?

My friend said, "Can I hang out with you?" I replied in a choking voice, "I have a spare noose in the closet."

"I started a new band called The Chimes" "What kind of band?" "Acapella Ska" "What do you play?" "Drums"

Some men will got to extraordinary lengths to prove how macho they are. Frenchman Pierre Pumpille recently shunted a stationary car two feet by headbutting it. "Women thought I was a god," he explained from his hospital bed. Deity or not, however, Pumpille is a veritable girl's blouse compared to Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who staked a strong claim to being Europe's most macho man by cutting off his own head in 1995. Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and play some "men's games". Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips, but then one man upped the ante by seizing a chainsaw and cutting off the end of his foot. Not