How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.

An elderly man and his wife, vacationing at a cabin by the lake, were sitting on the porch and reminiscing about their younger years. "This is the lake where I learned how to swim when I was a small boy," the husband said. "My father threw me into the water and I had to learn how to dog paddle to get back to the shore or drown. It was sink or swim." "That was a cruel thing for your father to do," the wife said. "How could a loving father do such a thing to a small child? That must have been a very difficult way to learn how to swim." "Not really," replied the husband. "Learning how to swim was the easy part. Getting out of that burlap bag first was the hard part!"

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." "It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also nev

What's better than roses on your piano?? Tulips on your organ! (two-lips)

1. You are not a superman. 　　你不是超人。 　　2. If it's stupid but works，it isn't stupid. 　　如果一个蠢方法有效，那它就不是一个蠢方法。 　　3.Don't look conspicuous-it draws fire. (This is why aircraft carriers are called"Bomb Magnets".) 　　不要太显眼，因为那会引人攻击。（这就是航空母舰被称为"炸弹磁铁"的原因。） 　　4. When in doubt，empty your magazine. 　　有问题时，清空你的弹匣。 　5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are. 　　别和比你勇敢的战友躲在同一个弹坑里。 　6. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. 　　别忘了你手上çš

My uncle (Dan) and his best friend (Erik) have an April Fool month every April. Each plays one major prank on the other during the month - neither know when they will be pranked or what will happen when they are. Here are a couple of the things that they have done to each other: 1. One year Erik took police caution tape and completely wraped Dan's jeep up in it. He took the tape over and under the jeep so that the only visible parts of the car were the tires. He then took the tape across the street and into the house to his bedroom door. When Dan woke up and followed the tape to his front door he saw his entire jeep in yellow tape! 2. Another year Dan entered an ad in the pets section for

Who is the greatest prostitute in history? Ms.Pacman For 50 cents she'll swallow balls until she dies.

Once, there was 3 Chinese people who wanted to go to America. Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu. Since these names would sound awfully weird, Bu said, "I'll change my name to Buck, adding 'ck' to the end." Chu said, "Then I'll become Chuck." After a long pause, Fu said, "I guess I'll go back to China."

Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles, and lighten your burden." Boy: "That's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles." Girl: "Yes, well, that's because we aren't married yet."

I have a machine which has four cog wheels in constant mesh. The largest cog has 72 teeth and the others have 36, 25 and 15 respectively. How many revolutions must the largest cog make before each of the cogs is back in its starting position? 25 revolutions.

"Hey," says Jim, "this match won't light!" "Strange," says Ned,. "It worked okay this morning."

A Kerryman emigrated from Ireland to England, thereby increasing the average IQ of both countries.