Popular Jokes
'It is Christmas time and a man and a woman go out for a meal. After the first two courses, everything is well until the dessert. The man messes up and says something inappropriate to the woman while having their Christmas pudding. The woman walks away in anger. Then the man says, "Please don't desert me; this is our first date."'
One woman to another woman
Woman- Those firemen are hot.
Other Woman- Yeah they are nice looking.
Woman- No. I mean they just came out of that burning building. They're hot.
If life is a waste of time,
and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted together,
and have the time of our lives!
THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... check it out these actual cases.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters,
One day, Harry and Sarah were having a petty argument.
After shouting back and forth, Sarah finally says, "Let's make a deal. To end this argument, you admit that I am right and I will admit that I am wrong."
Harry thought for a moment, agreed, and asked her to go first.
Sarah replied, "I'm sorry Harry, I am wrong."
In response, Harry shouts happily, "You're right!"
What's the difference between MJ and Mr. Potato Head?
MJ has more noses.
How are MJ and a Wal-Mart bag alike?
They're both plastic and hazardous to children.
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!"
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year!"
1. You wear a D... & A-C is tissue paper.
2. Your friends are guys, your partners are girls.
3. Anorexia is a four-letter word.
4. Pink is your favorite color... & hot pink is second.
5. Monika Lewinski is your role model.
6. You think foreign affairs is screwing two French guys.
7. M.U.D.D. means must use drugs daily.
8. ADIDAS means All Day I Dream About Sex.
9. ADIDAS applies to you.
10. It takes half of a lite beer to get you totally wasted.
There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?"
The man said, "Here and there."
The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?"
The man said, "This and that."
The judge then said, "Take him away."
The man said, "Wait, judge when will I get out?"
The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later."
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